Deadpool and Onimi
by Certain POV
Summary: For all you Deadpool fans, be patient, you'll get your dose. And for those not in the know, Onimi is an obscure Star Wars character. Together, they'll be doing some wild and crazy things as they travel throughout reality to sort right from wrong; ties in with Justice Conflict and Of the Forgotten.
1. Chapter 1

Deadpool and Onimi

Chapter 1

40 ABY: Zonama Sekot

"I feel it, Jorielle," Harrar said excitedly as he spread out his arms at the tampasi around him. "I can fully feel the life around me. I can feel the Force."

"That is very good to hear, Harrar," Jorielle said. Now a ten year-old, it seemed ridiculous for her to be training someone who must have been more than ten times her age (at any rate, considering that the Yuuzhan Vong's average life span was three times that of the regular human). But Jorielle always had the Force, while the Yuuzhan Vong around her, gathered in an audience within the tampasi, had only begun to feel faint emanations of it. "Now, may you demonstrate how well attuned you are to the Force?"

Harrar was one of the first Yuuzhan Vong to arrive on Zonama Sekot, being that he had first come here in the company of Jedi Knights Corran Horn and Tahiri Veila, as well as fellow Yuuzhan Vong, Nom Anor (who was then disguised as the Shamed prophet Yu'shaa) and Nen Yim, a Yuuzhan Vong that Nom Anor himself put to death more than a decade ago. It was fitting for Nom Anor, who was amongst the crowd, to be here today, as he would undoubtedly be the last Yuuzhan Vong to achieve a connection to the Force–assuming he wasn't killed by any of the Vong who still held their species' previous society close to their hearts. He had done well surviving what attempts on his life came about, and even Jorielle had been surprised by his luck. She wondered if he always had this kind of luck, where, in spite of the danger he was in, he could still survive it all.

"I can," Harrar responded to Jorielle's previous query. He then turned and he made a motion with his hand out toward the mixed Yuuzhan Vong crowd, which was mingled of those who were of the former elite castes and the Extolled. Those within the area of the crowd that Harrar was directing his hand to parted and turned around, watching in disbelief as they saw a rock rise.

All eyes returned to Harrar instantly as he began setting the rock down. Jorielle, being the only human among them, was also the only one to have a look of pride on her face for Harrar rather than fascination, as if she knew he could do it–because she did know he could do it.

"You have all seen what Harrar has done!" Jorielle called out to the crowd gathered around her and the former priest. "For all you skeptics and dissenters who believed that your presence here was all for naught, that you would never reconnect to the Force and you were mistaken to turn your backs on your gods and mingle with 'Shamed Ones'–pardon me for all of you who are Extolled–this is the evidence you need to think otherwise! Your struggles will lead you to salvation, and if you continue down that path, you will all join the Force before any of you reach the end of your lives."

"Who are you to speak to us as if we were children like yourself, _Jeedai_ brat!" a Yuuzhan Vong, a former warrior, called out. "You are not even old enough to produce children of your own! And what we just saw came from your own sacrilegious Force magic, not from anything that Harrar himself brought about!"

"You are to silence before the future Magister of Zonama Sekot!" one of the Extolled exclaimed at that dissenting Vong. "Lest you wish to forever be lost in the nothingness that is your futile belief in the gods!"

From there, eruptions of arguments among the Yuuzhan Vong–those of the former elite castes and the Extolled–had ensued. Very few among both sides, including Harrar, Nom Anor, former Warmaster Nas Choka, and perhaps a few others among the crowd remained silent, waiting for these arguments to come to their end.

Considering what her parents had told her about what their society had been before Zonama Sekot rescued them from the crushing reign of Shimrra–really Onimi, as he was Shimrra's puppet master–Jorielle knew that in a crowd of Yuuzhan Vong like this, things would get physically violent soon. For her age, she was strong and wise in the Force, but obviously, she still had much to learn herself, though she was a Jedi Master compared to any of the Yuuzhan Vong among her, even Harrar. Regardless, there was no way she herself could stop this escalating conflict. The only thing she could take solace from in this situation was that at least this was a relatively small gathering of Yuuzhan Vong compared to the rest of Zonama's population of the species.

But before any of the arguing Yuuzhan Vong could lay a hand on each other, a loud voice exclaimed, "Silence!"

Without another word, all of the Yuuzhan Vong shut up and turned to the direction of Jorielle's mother, who was under the trance of Sekot.

"You have all seen what Harrar has done this day?" Sekot asked them all through Danni Quee's mouth.

They all nodded their heads, especially the Vong who had questioned if it was Jorielle who had lifted up the rock rather than the former priest.

"Good," Sekot replied. "Then you are to return to your villages and grashals, and contemplate what this will mean for all of you, whether you wish to join the Force..." Sekot trailed off as her eyes laid upon the Vong who started the eruption of arguments. "Or not. And if you do not take the time out of your day for any such contemplation, then at best, your re-connection to the Force will be hindered by time. At worst, you will not see any kind of afterlife that had been promised by your faux religion under Shimrra's rule, and which is definitely promised by the Force. You may all go now."

All of the Yuuzhan Vong began to depart.

"Nom Anor," Sekot called out to the former Prefect of Yuuzhan'tar, stopping him dead in his tracks. "Do you mind having a word with me?"

Nom Anor hesitantly turned around, attracting the attention of nearby Yuuzhan Vong, both Extolled and non-Extolled alike. Those particularly interested were Harrar, Nas Choka, former High Priest Jakan, and former Master Shaper Qelah Kwaad. Jorielle, noticing this unwanted attention, began moving around the interested observers, reinforcing Sekot's words, and they reluctantly continued to leave.

"What is it that you wish to speak to me about?" Nom Anor asked when he was face-to-face with Danni.

"You have been here for over a year now," Sekot said. "And yet, you have not told anyone about who had really led your people into the damnation they nearly faced by the end of the war more than ten years ago."

"With all due respect," Nom Anor said, his tone implicating that he had no real respect to give out to the consciousness of the living planet whose surface he walked on, "I feel that there is no need to tell any of my people that it was really Onimi rather than Shimrra who almost led us into ruin. After all, I have enough to contend with against those who still revere the old ways, and telling any of them would be either pointless, or would simply enhance the degree of the attempts upon my life. It is useless knowledge for my people either way, and I am not sure if any of them would believe in my claims; at that, those of the former elite who would believe I'm lying, assuming that any of my people do believe me, would most likely heighten their efforts to kill me."

Nom Anor paused before asking, "In fact, why haven't you told any of my people yourself?"

"As you said, it is pointless," Sekot answered. "I was merely curious as to why you yourself didn't tell any of your people about who was the true Supreme Overlord of the fallen Yuuzhan Vong Empire."

Nom Anor was silent for a moment. When he saw that Sekot had nothing more to say, he asked, "May I go now?"

"Certainly," Danni's head nodded by Sekot's voice. "But do not forget my order of contemplation."

"I certainly won't." At that, Nom Anor turned and walked off into the tampasi to return to his assigned village and grashal. Sekot knew that Nom Anor didn't ask how she knew because he was only partially aware of Jacen Solo's then-lost marriage with Danni Quee, as he had witnessed Jacen himself try to get through to Danni when Nom Anor was first brought here. The former Executor was smart enough to connect the dots and determine that Jacen must have told Danni about his experience in experiencing oneness with the Force and killing Onimi, thereby ending the Yuuzhan Vong War.

~o~

After Nom Anor returned to his grashal, always wary of any Yuuzhan Vong unexpectedly attacking him in the village he stayed, he went to his room so that he could fulfill Sekot's demand of contemplation; when living on a sentient planet, it was best to heed its demands.

But as soon as he entered his sleeping quarters, a former warrior was standing there, and without wasting a second, that ex-warrior dragged Nom Anor in by the shoulders and threw him against his cot. Nom Anor then found that a second ex-warrior was standing over him, and he punched Nom Anor straight in his nose. The ex-warrior at the door then rushed over to the unoccupied side of Nom Anor's bed and the two warriors pinned him there by his shoulders.

As Nom Anor struggled, a voice from off to the side said, "Enough struggling, Nom Anor. While you certainly aren't the most trustworthy individual among the Yuuzhan Vong, can I take your word that if we let you go, you won't try to kill us?"

Nom Anor looked and saw Nas Choka standing there. "Choka! What is the meaning of this?"

"Are you going to stop struggling?" Choka asked.

Wordlessly, Nom Anor complied and nodded. Then, at Choka's nod, the two ex-warriors unpinned the former Prefect of Yuuzhan'tar, who sat up in his bed. "Now, Choka, what are you and these two warriors doing in here? If you wanted to kill me, you would've done so already."

"Very observant, a trait you obviously haven't lost since the war," Choka said. "Yes, my men and I are not here to kill you. Instead, what I want to know is what Sekot discussed with you today."

"Why do you want to know?" Nom Anor asked.

"When the consciousness of this planet would take a few moments out of its existence for a despicable individual like yourself, it becomes something of interest to me and a few others, like my men here," Choka answered.

"How flattering you think that of me, Choka," Nom Anor retorted.

"Now tell me," Choka said. "What is that Sekot discussed with you?"

"Trust me, Choka, you really do not want to know," Nom Anor said.

"Oh, but I do," Choka replied. "And I know how much of a coward you are. I always knew even before the invasion began, and it always bewildered me why Shimrra wanted you in his court, especially after the disaster at Ebaq 9. So you either tell us, or you die. Which is it?"

Both ex-warriors looked poised to pounce on Nom Anor and beat him to death at Choka's behest. Nom Anor himself nervously saw this, and acquiesced. "Very well, if you want to know so badly," he said. "But truth be told–"

"For once," Choka said sardonically.

"Truth be told," Nom Anor picked up, "you wouldn't believe me."

"Well, that's a first," Choka said.

Nom Anor took a couple of a seconds for himself before he said, "Onimi was really the Supreme Overlord of our race."

There was a moment of silence in the room. The two ex-warriors looked at each other and at Nom Anor in confusion. Choka's expression was blank.

"Onimi," Choka said finally. "Shimrra's familiar?"

Nom Anor nodded.

"That irritating _Shamed One_?" Choka exclaimed.

At that, both ex-warriors looked down at Nom Anor in anger. They then looked to their leader for permission to beat Nom Anor to death, but he waved them off. "You were right," Choka said. "I don't believe you. And if we were still under the order of Shimrra–or Onimi, as you claim–I would have no hesitation of having my men beat you to a bloody pulp, Nom Anor. But seeing as how we are on a planet endowed with life, and I myself do not _directly_ condone any of the attempts on your life in the past year, I am willing to hear what fable you have for me."

"Onimi was the first of us to achieve the re-connection to the Force," Nom Anor said. "I don't know how he did it, but he did, and it must've given him his deformities. My guess would have something to do with a yammosk, because he controlled Shimrra telepathically since the downfall of Quoreal."

"And how did you come about this, Nom Anor, assuming this isn't another one of your lies, which I strongly believe it is?" Choka asked.

"Because I saw Jacen Solo himself defeat Onimi in combat," Nom Anor said. "I saw Solo achieve oneness with the Force; I saw Onimi's deformities disappear and revert his form back to normal; and then I saw him become nothing more than a stain on the bulkhead of the escape cruiser from the Supreme Overlord's Citadel–_Onimi_'s Citadel, not Shimrra's."

"Indeed, he lies, Warmaster!" the ex-warrior who dragged Nom Anor in exclaimed. "He must die for his insolence!"

Choka raised a hand. "I am no longer the Warmaster, Zhat Lah," he said, then returned to his attention to Nom Anor. "And as tempted as I am to kill you, Nom Anor, I am not hasty in my decisions, unlike the likes of my predecessor as Warmaster." He looked back to Zhat Lah with a reminding look, considering that he was of the same domain as Tsavong Lah, the first Warmaster of the Yuuzhan Vong War. Returning his sight to Nom Anor again, Choka said, "Which is why I am going to see if Sekot herself can corroborate what you say."

"Aren't you worried that Sekot will punish you for breaking and entering into my home?" Nom Anor asked.

"It is a price I am willing to take," Choka said. "I will keep Zhat Lah and Narra Val out of this."

With that, the three Yuuzhan Vong who invaded Nom Anor's grashal left, leaving their former captive laying back in his bed in relief.

But as the thought settled, he realized just how much trouble he was going to be in.


	2. Chapter 2

Deadpool & Onimi: Chapter 2

"Hear me, all!" Nas Choka cried out from the top of the hill he stood on. Gathered all around him were dozens of Yuuzhan Vong, which were but a fraction of the species' population on Zonama Sekot, who had come to hear what he had to say.

Hours earlier, he had sent out his closest allies, who were all former warriors, as envoys throughout the nearby Yuuzhan Vong villages, who told those members of their species that Choka had something very important to tell them. After Zhat Lah told the former Warmaster that all Yuuzhan Vong who had been summoned to the gathering had come, Choka began his speech.

The only thing that allowed him a brief smile in all of this was seeing Nom Anor deep in the crowd, looking as if he were prepared for an execution.

"For all of those who were gathered with Jorielle Solo and Harrar yesterday," Choka started, "it had nearly ended in violence between those of the former elite castes and the Sh- I mean, Extolled." Not only was it official to call the former Shamed Ones by the Extolled now, but Choka had called them by their official title because they were also among the crowd. Choka was interested to see what they thought of who their true Supreme Overlord was.

"That violence had been interfered by Sekot, who had been using the body of Magister Danni Quee in order to communicate with us," Choka continued. "Sekot ended the session with Solo and Harrar by sending us all back to our grashals to ponder our place in the Force. However, there had been one in particular among us who Sekot personally pulled aside to speak to." Choka then pointed out to the crowd. "Nom Anor."

All eyes turned to the former Prefect of Yuuzhan'tar, and he bowed his head in ridicule, even though he and Choka both knew that he had yet to be embarrassed by the information that the former Warmaster would soon expose.

"Out of curiosity, I alone broke into Nom Anor's home so that I could find out what Sekot spoke to him about," Choka said. "And yes, I do understand what consequences will befall upon me for this action. But it was one I do not regret, as I had learned what Sekot spoke to Nom Anor about. And it was a great secret that not only must all of you know, but what all Yuuzhan Vong all across Zonama must know. That secret was the true power to the throne of the Supreme Overlord."

"What are you saying, Choka?" former High Priest Jakan called out from among the crowd.

"Shimrra was not who we thought he was," Choka explained. "He was never the true power to the polyp throne."

Gasps throughout the crowd erupted at the shock of this information. "But how?" Jakan called out again.

"Shimrra's mind was manipulated with ever since he took power over the Yuuzhan Vong from Quoreal," Choka said. "And who manipulated him, you may ask? Well, I'm sure some of you, particularly those of who were among the elite, were familiar with Shimrra's Shamed companion, Onimi." Choka indicated Jakan and Qelah Kwaad. "Do you two not remember him?"

Everyone in the crowd was shocked at what Choka was implying, and many looked at Nom Anor, who looked like he wanted to take one of the Yuuzhan Vong's coufees and slit his own throat so that he wouldn't need to endure this scrutiny any further. While many in the crowd weren't aware of Onimi, as most of the Yuuzhan Vong had never been in any of the elite's meetings, the word _Shamed_ was enough to get the former Warmaster's point across.

"You are not saying what I think you are saying, Choka!" Qelah Kwaad called out.

"Oh, but I am, Qelah Kwaad," Choka said. "For six decades, Shimrra had been controlled by Onimi, his Shamed familiar, through mind control!"

"This can't be true!" one of the former Yuuzhan Vong warriors called out. "Nom Anor lies, as he always does!"

"One of the Extolled would not rule and still have us as the lowest caste in the Yuuzhan Vong's previous society!" one of the Extolled called out as he looked in shock at Nom Anor.

Arguments erupted, but they were quelled just as quickly when all of the Yuuzhan Vong felt a presence that reverberated in their bones. All eyes turned away from Nom Anor and Choka to find Magister Danni Quee, once again controlled by Sekot, standing at the very back of the crowd.

"So all of you know now," Sekot said through Quee's mouth. "Yes, what Nom Anor and Nas Choka say is true. Shimrra had indeed been controlled by one who was among the former Shamed Ones all throughout his reign of the Yuuzhan Vong's fallen empire. I had learned from Jacen Solo himself after the end of your species' invasion of this galaxy. I knew that Nom Anor figured out that it was Onimi who was controlling Shimrra, and therefore all of you, because once again, it was Jacen Solo who told me. The reason that I pulled Nom Anor aside was to ask him about why he hadn't told any of you about the true leadership of your previous society. So, now that all of you know, what will you do with this knowledge?"

At that, everyone fell silent. No one knew how to reply. Sekot was right; what would they do with this knowledge? As shocking as it was, it was irrelevant to the Yuuzhan Vong's present circumstance of trying to reconnect to the Force; the days of the empire were long gone now. So, indeed, how would knowing any of this benefit the Yuuzhan Vong?

After a moment, Harrar, who was deep in the crowd, called out, "How did Onimi control Shimrra's mind?"

"Through reconnection to the Force," Sekot replied.

Gasps erupted once more.

"Is that what reconnecting to the Force would be like for us?" one of the former Yuuzhan Vong warriors called out. "We would be Shamed like that disgusting creature that had been truly ruling us for all that time?"

Before Sekot could speak up, all of the Yuuzhan Vong began shouting again. Several of them, Extolled and non-Extolled alike, pulled Nom Anor aside and began beating him down, as if he were responsible for some kind of descent of the Yuuzhan Vong that was reconnecting to the Force. Sekot shouted in a deep, booming voice to quell all of the Yuuzhan Vong down, but they wouldn't stop this time.

All was lost, Nom Anor thought in between the beatings that those near him were giving him. The only thing he was surprised at in this was the fact that even those of the Extolled wanted to kill him, even after they knew he was Yu'shaa, their saviour.

Suddenly, a bright light had filled the air several meters off the ground that startled even Sekot herself. That light disappeared as quickly as it came, and what came from it were two particularly surprising individuals. One was clad red and black in some kind of costume, armed with two old-fashioned swords and primitive-looking guns.

The other was one no one, not even Sekot, thought she would see.

These two individuals descended from the air down to the ground, landing in crouches amidst the crowd of the Yuuzhan Vong. Those nearby their landing point had quickly moved out of the way for them to land. The two individuals then stood up, and looked out among the crowd.

"It is Onimi!" Choka called out from the hilltop, looking to the individual partnered with the red-and-black man.

A moment of silence from Sekot and the Yuuzhan Vong permeated. The beatings against Nom Anor stopped so that he and his attackers could look in shock at the crowd's two new arrivals. Onimi and his comrade simply started out among the crowd in silence before the Shamed One called out with open arms, "I'm back, everybody! Who missed me?"

There was no reply for another moment before Nom Anor said, "No. This can't be possible. I watched you die myself."

Onimi turned to the former Prefect of Yuuzhan'tar. "Ah, Nom Anor! Oh, how I've missed you, you two-bit deceitful son of a bitch! Come here and let me give you a hug!" Onimi said it all as if he were welcoming back a friend as he approached Nom Anor, and indeed, he gave him a hug before letting him go.

"Oh, that's right, where are my manners?" Onimi said. "Um, everyone, I would like to introduce you to my new friend, Deadpool."

"Hi," the red-and-black clad man said with a simple wave.

"Deadpool, these are the versions of my people in this reality," Onimi said as he turned to indicate all of the Yuuzhan Vong around them. "They all look like a nice, handsome people, now don't they?"

"Well, I'd certainly fit among 'em," Deadpool said as he took off his mask to reveal a disgusting yellow, almost burnt face. "You think I could get laid by any of your women, Onimi?"

"Hey, you got a better chance than I do, buddy," Onimi said with a leering smile. "But anyway, let's get down to business." He turned back to Nom Anor. "Nommy, Deadpool and I need you."

"And not in the homosexual way," Deadpool called out. "We're not asking for a three-man sandwich, okay."

Ignoring Deadpool, Nom Anor asked, "Onimi, what is going on? How are you alive?"

"Well, Nommy, here's what you need to know," Onimi said. "You see-"

"Hey, uh, Onimi," Deadpool interrupted.

"What is it, Deadpool?" Onimi asked, turning back to his partner.

"You said that you and the rest of the… what do you call them, Shamed Ones? Aren't you not liked among the rest of the Yuuzhan Vong?" Deadpool asked.

"Not if these guys here were still under the rule of my reality doppelganger, Deadpool," Onimi explained. "We got 'em all here just after the war, on Zonama Sekot, and just after Choka revealed who I am to them."

"Wait, what?" Choka asked.

"Yeah, I figured that with Nom Anor alive in this reality, the truth about who really ruled you guys would soon come out by this little fucker's mouth," Onimi said as he indicated Nom Anor with a thumb. "I just can't believe it took this long, is all." He then turned back to Nom Anor. "So, anyway, Nommy, here's the skinny: I'm not the Onimi of this reality. He's dead, as you said. Instead, I'm actually the Onimi of a different reality, who was pulled out of my fatal fight with Jacen Solo just in time by Deadpool here." He indicated his friend.

"Hi," Deadpool said again, for whatever reason, with another simple wave.

"He came in to save me because he was jumping through realities for some god-like entity named Uatu the Watcher," Onimi explained. "When you come with us, you may have a chance to meet him. But anyway, Deadpool saved me because he needed me to help him in certain missions that involved overthrowing very powerful people in different realities for the good of those realities, since, you know, I'm pretty powerful myself. Get it?"

"I think so," Nom Anor said, though he was still kind of confused. "But what do you need me for?"

"Honestly?" Onimi asked. "Well, because Deadpool and I need someone a bit more grounded in reality. He and I fucked up our last mission that involved killing the Emperor Palpatine of that reality, which ended up with us blowing up all of Coruscant, and Palpatine still got away. And, well, you don't need to know the exact details, but the point is Uatu says we need somebody to keep us focused is all. And I figured that guy would be you."

"Okay then," Nom Anor said, still confused.

"Now then," Onimi said as he turned away from the crowd to address the gathered Yuuzhan Vong crowd. "Everyone, before we go, I want to tell you that how I reconnected to the Force was through implanting my cells with that of one of our yammosks, which is the same for your reality's Onimi. That fucked me up, as you can see, but reconnecting via Zonama Sekot won't make y'all ugly. Look at Harrar here." He pointed the former priest out. "You saw him yesterday, and he got the Force without becoming deformed. Just follow by Sekot's rules, and you will all be okay. Okay? Okay, well, we got to go, so goodbye. Deadpool, beam us out of here."

At that, Onimi grabbed Nom Anor by the arm, took out a small device from a pocket, pressed a button on it, and they disappeared in a flash of light.

"Well, bye everyone," he waved at them all. "Sorry I didn't have anything funny to say. And that goes to you, dear reader." Then Deadpool took out a similar device from his own belt, pressed a button on it, and he, too, disappeared.

By the end of all that, the Yuuzhan Vong were definitely left more confused than angry at the revelation Nas Choka brought upon them all.

And what was that with Deadpool saying "dear reader" to no one in particular?


	3. Chapter 3

Deadpool and Onimi: Chapter 3

One moment, Nom Anor was on Zonama Sekot with the surprisingly-alive Onimi, his red-and-black-clad friend Deadpool, and thousands of Yuuzhan Vong ready to rip him to shreds. Now, having been teleported off of Zonama Sekot, Nom Anor's body was now speeding through a bright, white tunnel, with Onimi to his left and Deadpool to his right. All three of them seemed to be zooming at the speed of light, yet none of them looked like their flesh was bound to tear off their bones.

The moment in that tunnel was gone, and the next thing Nom Anor knew, he dropped prone to a hard, wooden floor while Deadpool and Onimi landed on their feet easily. The two of them helped Nom Anor up to his feet, and then he took a moment to himself to dust himself off and get a sense of his bearings.

He, Onimi, and Deadpool were all inside a tiny, cramped apartment building that looked relatively primitive compared to the furnishings of standard galactic society. At one end was the door that led out of the apartment, and at the opposite end was a hallway that must lead to a couple of bedrooms or so and a washroom. As he looked around the small apartment, Nom Anor took note that, from where he stood with his two charges, there was only a rugged, beat-up couch to his right and a large black box with a blank screen standing on top of a wooden stand. The room itself was dimly lit by the singular light bulb on the ceiling, a few metres away from the whirling fan that provided cool air. From what Nom Anor could see from the window outside, wherever he was, it was nighttime.

"Nommy," Onimi said as he wrapped his arm around Nom Anor's shoulders in an affectionate manner, "welcome to Deadpool's apartment. Quite impressive, isn't it?" It was clear in Onimi's tone that the last sentence was made in sarcasm.

"Fuck you," Deadpool said to Onimi, though it didn't sound as if he meant it. It was apparent that it was in jest.

"Anyway, you can sleep on the couch, because Wade and I–Wade is Deadpool's real name, by the way–already have the bedrooms down the hall," Onimi explained as he nodded his head over in the direction of the hall behind them. "So, aside from that, uh, welcome to Earth, one of the few planets in the Milky Way galaxy that have life on it."

"Milky Way galaxy?" Nom Anor asked Onimi. "Where are we?"

"In a galaxy far, far away from the one your people invaded, Nommy," Deadpool said. Nom Anor took note that the red-and-black-clad man said the first six words of his sentence with a certain dreamlike tone. "And right into another reality. Oh, and by the way, I forgot to mention that in this reality, your people's invasion of the other galaxy happened a long time ago, too." Once again, Nom Anor detected the hint of a dreamlike quality to Deadpool's voice when he said, "A long time ago."

Nom Anor turned to Onimi. "You live here with him?"

Onimi nodded. "It's not much, but it does its purpose of keeping a roof over our heads."

"Thank you, Onimi," Deadpool said in an uncharacteristically mature tone. "I really do appreciate it when you're genuine in your comments."

"Oh, so you get to be all snarky and shit, but I can't? Hypocrisy, thy name is Deadpool," Onimi said with muted contempt.

"Yeah, well... you're a doo-doo head," Deadpool fired back.

"No, you're a doo-doo head!" Onimi said.

"No, you are!"

"No, you are!"

"Stop it!" Nom Anor exclaimed before the child-like argument between Deadpool and Onimi escalated.

"Fine," both Deadpool and Onimi said with whiny tones.

"Very well; first off, why am I here?" Nom Anor asked.

There was a moment of confused silence before Onimi asked, "What?"

"I asked why am I here," Nom Anor clarified. "You told me that you needed me to help you defeat Emperor Palpatine of... what was it you said, another reality, was it?"

"Oh, yeah, that," Onimi said, nodding. "Oh, that was all bullshit. Deadpool and I easily took care of that mission. We just wanted to put on an excuse to get you over here into this reality."

"But why?" Nom Anor asked.

"Well, because your ass was gonna ripped to shreds, so we decided to save your ass," Onimi answered.

"And why did you want to save... my ass?" Nom Anor asked.

"God, what's with all these questions?" Deadpool complained. "Can't you just be grateful that we saved you?"

"No," Nom Anor said firmly as he turned to face Deadpool.

"I beg your pardon?" Deadpool said in a mock-high-class-society voice, which Nom Anor recognized as being something close to Coruscanti.

"Oh, don't mind his rudeness, Wade," Onimi interjected. "You see, I know the society Nommy's been living in, even though we were each in a different reality. He's had to claw his way to the top and save his own ass by backstabbing and killing everyone in his path, and as a result, he's suspicious of anyone who helps anyone else, particularly himself, out of the 'goodness' of their own hearts."

"So I suppose you don't mind explaining to me why you saved me, Onimi?" Nom Anor asked as he turned back around to face the disgusting Shamed One.

"Of course I don't mind," Onimi answered casually. "The reason is this: I was lonely, man. That's all. I mean, sure, I had Wade over here as a friend, but as good as he is, whenever we play _Call of Duty_ or _Skyrim_, I just like to feel comfortable around someone who's of the same species. You know, that way, I wouldn't feel like a complete alien." Onimi said nothing for a moment as he stared at the stern-faced Nom Anor, and then he said, "You don't buy that, do you?"

"If by buy, you mean do I believe what you said, then no, I don't _buy_ that," Nom Anor said. "What is it that you really want from me, Onimi?"

"Like I said, I just wanted to have someone else of my species to hang out with," Onimi said.

"I still don't believe you," Nom Anor said without hesitation.

"Well, that's the best you're gonna get outta me, because that's really all there is to it," Onimi said. "So you can either take it or leave it. And if you leave it, Deadpool here will have absolutely no problem sending you back to Zonama Sekot where the Yuuzhan Vong there will tear you limb from limb for apparently condemning them all to be Shamed Ones–like me."

Nom Anor was silent with fear as he looked between the two men between him before he settled back on Onimi and said, "But you told everyone, just before we left, that returning to the Force won't Shame any of them, and that what happened to you was a freak experiment that went wrong."

"Oh, yeah, I just gave 'em that so that they could at least settle down for your benefit," Onimi said. "But really, do you actually think they'll believe me?"

"There's still Harrar," Nom Anor countered. "He's achieved a connection to the Force, and I doubt he'll be Shamed."

"Even so, do you really wanna take that risk, Nommy?" Onimi asked.

"Onimi, I've been living in fear of the Yuuzhan Vong trying to kill me my entire time on Zonama Sekot after Mara Jade Skywalker and Jacen Solo deposited me there," Nom Anor explained. "If I were to back there now, I could at least expect for certain Yuuzhan Vong trying to kill me. With you and Deadpool, I don't know what to expect." Another silent moment passed between the trio before Nom Anor concluded with, "But even so, you wouldn't have me return there anyway; because, as you said, you're pretty much lonely without me."

"Oh, so now you believe me?" Onimi asked.

"I still don't," Nom Anor denied. "But whatever plans you and Deadpool have for me, Onimi, you won't give me up, that's for sure."

"Hey, me," Deadpool said. "Onimi. That rhymes!"

Both Yuuzhan Vong looked to the red-and-black-clad man. "What?" Nom Anor asked.

"Never mind him, he likes to do that," Onimi said, turning Nom Anor back to face him.

"Oh," Nom Anor said with an understanding nod.

"Well, you certainly\are right, Nommy," Onimi said. "I'm not really going to let you back to Zonama Sekot. And I'm pretty sure that the Yuuzhan Vong there bought my story anyway. Harrar will affirm that, as you said."

"So if that's the case then, what was with you threatening to bring me back there?" Nom Anor asked.

"Could you say it was at least a nice try to get you to stay with us willingly?" Onimi asked.

"No," Nom Anor said outright.

"Aww, man, c'mon, don't be such a sourpuss!" Onimi said. "We'll have lots of fun together. You can take Deadpool's spot in _Call of Duty_!"

"What is _Call of Duty_?" Nom Anor asked.

"Heh-heh," Deadpool muttered. "You said _duty_."

"Oh, c'mon, man, really?" Onimi asked, looking past Nom Anor to Deadpool.

"What can I say, I'm a sucker for the classics," Deadpool replied.

Onimi rolled his mismatched eyes and returned his attention to Nom Anor. "It's a game that is played on that electronic device known as a TV–" Onimi pointed to the black box Nom Anor noticed earlier "–or otherwise known as a television set, which, by the standards of those people the Yuuzhan Vong fought in both our realities, is relatively primitive."

"You're talking about the infidels, correct?" Nom Anor asked.

"Well, I can't really say they're infidels, since the tenets of our religion in both of our dimensions are false," Onimi said.

"That is true," Nom Anor agreed with a dismissive shrug. "But in either case, I don't want to play with you, Onimi."

Onimi contorted his distorted face in a look of disappointment before he calmed down and asked, "Well, then, what would you do with us. We don't have ooglith masquers, so you can't exactly go out into public here. This planet doesn't even know about extraterrestrial aliens, with very few exceptions, but those are high-level guys who keep it all undercover, you know what I mean?"

"Is that so?" Nom Anor asked. "Well, in that case, I suppose we should go to sleep now."

Deadpool checked the clock nearby. "Oh, shit, he's right," Deadpool said. "It's, like, one, so we really gotta get to bed, Onimi. G'night, Nommy." Then he walked down the hall that led to the bedroom, entering one of the rooms of to the side.

"Sleep tight, Nommy," Onimi said as he followed Deadpool, then went into his own bedroom.

With that, Nom Anor rushed to the door that would lead out of the apartment, unknowing and uncaring why neither Deadpool or Onimi thought he would do this. That instantly became apparent once he touched the doorknob, and what felt like a thousand bolts of electricity flooded and shocked his body before he flew back two metres, crashing to the ground on his back.

"Oh, I forgot to mention, Nommy," Onimi called from down the hall as he leaned out of his bedroom. "Deadpool had the door installed with a special anti-intruder system we commandeered from one of the realities where we commenced our missions in. It can only read our bio signatures to open and close. Anyone else will be shocked. So I suggest you get some rest to heal up from that. Good night." And with that, Onimi returned to his room and shut the door behind him.

As for Nom Anor, he did as Onimi suggested as he crawled on his belly, still severely wounded from the shock, and climbed onto the uncomfortable and springy couch. But he feel asleep instantly anyway, his thoughts of being a prisoner here instantly washed away by an encompassing darkness.


	4. Chapter 4

Deadpool and Onimi: Chapter 4

The next day, Deadpool, Onimi, and Nom Anor all woke up from slumbers at about ten in the morning. Deadpool shook Nom Anor awake, and the latter woke up, groggy and still sore from the electrocution he suffered just a few hours earlier. Meanwhile, Onimi walked around the couch and gathered up three wooden, fold-able tables, and then he set them out in front of the couch whilst Deadpool got three bowls, all stacked on top of one another, with one spoon each, and a box of Cheerios. He set the three bowls on the tables as Onimi sat beside Nom Anor, and then the red-and-black-clad man returned to the fridge to get a carton of milk, which he then poured into each Cheerio-filled bowl. He then sat down on Nom Anor's other side, and he and Onimi began eating while Nom Anor, still pained, looked curiously at the cereal.

"What's this?" he asked.

"Breakfast," Deadpool answered as he turned on the TV with the remote on his side. "Eat up. We got a special surprise for you today, Nommy."

"I don't like surprises," Nom Anor said as he looked to Deadpool. "They tend to bring about some kind of foil to me and my plans. You two are the biggest ones now, and I still don't like either of you."

"Oh, but you will when we show you what we have in store," Onimi said before taking a spoonful of Cheerios in his mouth.

"What do you mean?" Nom Anor asked the Shamed One.

"I suppose you remember Mara Jade Skywalker, right, Nommy?" Onimi asked after he swallowed his Cheerios.

"I could never forget that despicable woman," Nom Anor said, his tone acidic. "Why?"

"Well, in the mission we have today, we're going in to a reality where Mara Jade Skywalker has somehow found a way to travel through time and right all of the shit that's happened in her galaxy," Onimi explained. "Such as getting together with her husband, Luke, much earlier, having the Yuuzhan Vong exterminated, bettering her own life and the lives of her friends and family, etc. So we're going to fuck all that up as per our mission parameters."

Nom Anor's eyes widened in restrained glee before his expression turned neutral and business-like to ask, "As fun as that sounds, why are you going to do it? And who's allowing you?"

"Uatu the Watcher," Onimi explained. "He's sending us to do that. He contacted both Wade and I in our sleep to have us do this mission as we're done eating our Cheerios." With that, both he and Deadpool chewed on their next spoonfuls of cereal before Onimi continued with, "And we're going to do it (and that includes you, too, Nommy) because her entire reality will end as soon as she and the rest of her friends and family die off of natural causes."

"How will that happen?" Nom Anor asked.

"Time distortion shifts or shit like, I wasn't really paying all that much attention to Baldy," Deadpool said. "That's Uatu, by the way, for you, Nommy. Point is, we're stopping this chick, and you're coming with us because Uatu allowed it so you can see her get her due for kicking your ass; twice over, at that."

"Well, if that's the case..." Nom Anor said before he trailed off and then began snacking in at his Cheerios.

~o~

As soon as all three of them were done their breakfast, Onimi and Deadpool used their teleporters to transport themselves and Nom Anor out of their reality. Once again, they were traveling at light speed in that bright tunnel, still with no real effect to their bodies.

Suddenly, Onimi then pushed Nom Anor down to the bottom of that tunnel. There, the latter suddenly found himself out of the bridge between dimensions and flying through the air of some planet he couldn't place his finger on in the five seconds he had. Those seconds ended as soon as he crashed into a familiar, redheaded human female, who was just lying prone on a rooftop with a sniper's rifle.

The two of them rolled across the ground of the roof before they stopped and Nom Anor rolled off the woman, leaping to his feet instantly. The redhead then leaped to her feet as well, and turned to face him in wide-eyed shock.

It was Mara Jade Skywalker.

"No!" she exclaimed, as if Nom Anor were a monster, his appearance notwithstanding. "But you can't be here! I had you in my sights down there!" She pointed hard at the ledge behind her without turning her back on Nom Anor.

Nom Anor looked past Mara and found himself, disguised as a human in an ooglith masquer, simply drinking a beverage at an outdoor table, unsuspecting that he would have been assassinated. The Nom Anor who stood before Mara, who also realized that this world was Mondor II, the planet where he gave her the disease that failed to kill her, now looked back at her, a triumphant grin creeping across his face. "Did you really think you could get rid of me that easily, Mara?" he asked with a condescending tone.

Mara hesitated before she ground her teeth and used the Force to pull the sniper rifle she was going to use to kill his alternate-reality version, and before he knew it, she had him on his scope. But before she could even pull the trigger, and before he could even comprehend that he had less than a second to live, Deadpool suddenly appeared before her and took the laser shot right in his chest. He flew back a meter, crashing onto the ground in a heap before Onimi manifested just a few meters above Mara's head.

Mara swiftly looked up and lined her weapon up to target Onimi. But the Shamed One suddenly pulled out a lightsaber, igniting a red-hued blade, and blocked the incoming shot back at the weapon. Its barrel was instantly destroyed, forcing Mara to take a step back as Onimi continued his descent towards her. She then jumped out of the way from what would have been a bisecting cut down the middle, and then she pulled out her own lightsaber to engage the Shamed One in a duel.

Meanwhile, while Mara was distracted with Onimi, Nom Anor rushed over to the downed Deadpool's side, and saw that the cauterized wound on his chest had instantly healed up, replacing it red, burnt-looking flesh.

"Are you all right?" Nom Anor asked.

"Anyone get the number of that laser that hit me?" Deadpool asked rhetorically.

"What?" Nom Anor asked.

"You're right, not my best material," Deadpool replied as Nom Anor helped him up to his feet.

"How did you survive that?" Nom Anor asked once Deadpool was on his feet.

"Healing ability," he answered simply. "Allows me to survive shit like that."

Deadpool and Nom Anor then looked off to the side and saw that in their lightsaber duel, Mara was gradually forcing Onimi back to a ledge that was just a few meters behind him. Another few steps for him, and he would plunge several stories to his death. So, deciding to help his deformed friend, Deadpool took out two primitive-looking guns that fired simple metal projectiles at Mara's back. This forced the Jedi to disengage from her fight with Onimi quickly, since her danger sense allowed her to intuit the projectiles, and she swiftly turned around and let the bullets vaporize against the heat of her weapon.

Of course, she immediately forgot that Onimi was behind her now, but she managed to roll out of the way, hoping that the bullets might hit the Shamed One instead. But the latter, like Mara, managed to let the bullets vaporize against his blade before Deadpool stopped.

"Woah, woah, woah! Nice shooting, Hicks!" Onimi yelled as soon as Deadpool stopped firing.

"Hey, good call on that _Ghostbusters_ reference," Deadpool commented.

"Thanks," Onimi replied in a friendly, conversational tone, both him and Deadpool completely forgetting that they had a Jedi bitch to fight.

That bitch took advantage of their momentary distraction in their pop culture knowledge to head straight over for Deadpool and Nom Anor. The former fired his guns at her, but like before, she blocked them off, and once she got within striking distance, both Deadpool and Nom Anor jumped out of the way of her humming blade. She then swiftly turned around to face the incoming Onimi, clashed blades with him again, and then she managed to maneuver herself into the favorable position of not only dueling Onimi, but also of blocking Deadpool's shots.

Eventually, after several seconds, Deadpool ran out of bullets. So he holstered his guns and took out his katana swords.

"I don't think that's going to work against her lightsaber," Nom Anor said from behind the red-and-black-clad man.

"Shut up, I know what I'm doing," Deadpool said in an irritated tone before he charged at Mara.

Seeing Deadpool coming in, Mara quickly got past Onimi's defenses and kicked him in the gut, sending him flying back a few feet before quickly turning to engage Deadpool. She easily sliced through his primitive blades as he tried to strike her with both of them. She then allowed him to look at the stubs of his weapons before he looked back up at her, dropped his swords, and said in a quivering, "Heh-heh. You wanna be friends."

"No," she answered curtly.

"Oh, crap," he muttered.

But the strike against Deadpool was instantly stopped as Onimi's blade got in the way. He then shoved her back, giving him enough time to shove Deadpool out of the way before Mara came back in and reengaged Onimi.

Several clashes later, during which Deadpool and Nom Anor circled around Mara to be at Onimi's back, the Jedi managed to cut Onimi's lightsaber by the tip of the hilt. His red blade disappeared instantly, and he had to jump back a meter to avoid her attempted impale. He then brought up his arms and electricity shot out of his fingertips. She easily blocked them and they were absorbed into the blade of her lightsaber, though the expression on her face betrayed the effort that she was putting in the block.

Deadpool took advantage of Mara's distraction and charged for her. But she noticed him off to the side, twirled out of the way, ducked beneath Deadpool's incoming punch, and then whirled around again to kick him in the small of his back, sending him flying a few feet forward. But Mara didn't have time to react before Onimi blasted her with a new wave of Force electricity that quickly enveloped her in two seconds, and then she was blasted two meters onto her back. She looked off to the side and she saw that her lightsaber had shattered into pieces within the palm of her hands.

"Now we're on a level battlefield," Onimi said as he charged her downed form.

At that, Mara leaped up to her feet and met the Shamed One head-on. She punched out with her right fist, but Onimi ducked beneath the blow, grabbed the other fist that was prepared to attack him, and while he did that, he grabbed Mara's extended forearm with his other hand, and then he sunk all of his fingernails into the skin of her arm and her opposite hand.

Mara yelped at the resulting pain as Onimi took his hands off of her and then backed away. She briefly nursed her wounds before looking back up at the Shamed One and then knocking him out with one fist to his ugly face.

With both Deadpool and Onimi out of the fight, Mara saw that her only remaining opponent on the rooftop was the cowering Nom Anor. He quickly looked at his surroundings, desperate to find a ladder to escape, but he wasn't given the time as Mara rushed up to him. But by the time she reached him, the punch she threw out was relatively slow compared to her usual speeds of attack. And Nom Anor was even able to block this attack with a forearm, deflecting the blow, and then used his other fist to punch the Jedi up the jaw.

Mara stumbled back, and Nom Anor pressed his advantage as he took two steps forward and punched right across the face. He delivered another blow on her other cheek. He then repeated the process several times, backing her across the roof, as he took great pleasure in hurting her; this punch was for surviving the disease he brought upon her; this punch was for the Jedi ruining all of his plans throughout the course of the Yuuzhan Vong War; this punch was for forcing him to don the identity of Yu'shaa the Prophet just to survive Shimrra's wrath; and the next two punches was for her easily defeating him on Coruscant during the Battle of Yuuzhan'tar, and again on Marfa ten years after the war ended.

Throughout his entire beating of her, he laughed joyfully and in mad glee at attaining such sweet revenge for what this woman had put him through, insulting her as he assaulted her, doing everything he could to make this vengeance all the more sweeter.

Finally, Nom Anor had backed Mara up at the ledge of the roof behind her, which led into a back alley. One punch, and death would be assured to her.

He didn't let her say any last words. Instead, his last words to her were something he picked up on just from his short time with Deadpool and Onimi alone. "Fuck you, you Jedi bitch." And just like that, he punched her up the jaw and sent her screaming down the alley. He watched in complete triumph as he watched her body collapse against the pavement. The blood pooling beneath Mara's body was the crowning site for Nom Anor's victory as he then spat on her broken corpse.

Nom Anor then turned around and saw Deadpool and Onimi standing before him. "All right, good for you, Nommy, nice job!" Onimi said as he held up his hand. "High five!"

Nom Anor raised an eyebrow in curiosity.

"Slap my hand," Onimi said. "It's a gesture of reward and friendship."

Nom Anor shrugged and did as Onimi suggested. "Why do you consider us friends now, Onimi?" Nom Anor asked.

"Because I was the one who allowed you to smack that bitch up," Onimi said. "Do you think I merely gave that woman a few scratches like a cat defending itself. Oh, no." He held up both hands. "You see these fingernails. Through them, I can deliver varying degrees of lethal poisons to either render a target of mine a little woozy to outright dead. I stunned her well enough to let the effects take place just enough to get you ready to kill her like you did."

"You did this for me?" Nom Anor asked.

"Of course I did," Onimi said. "After all, if I consider you a friend, even though you may not feel that for me, I would do that for you, man. This mission turned out to be the perfect opportunity to vent your frustrations in getting your ass kicked by that broad on two counts."

"It sure did," Nom Anor agreed with a savage smile.

"So how about it?" Deadpool asked. "You two friends already?"

Nom Anor looked at Onimi's friend. "What?"

"Are you friends yet with Onimi?" Deadpool asked again.

"Well..." Nom Anor trailed off before looking at Onimi. "Will I be able to kill other Mara Jade Skywalkers in your missions?"

"Only if they are meant to be fulfilled in our missions," Onimi said. "But if they are, then I'll certainly let you kill 'em."

"Then I'll be your friend, Onimi," Nom Anor said.

"Yay!" Onimi cried out as he then hugged Deadpool. His good mood dimmed when he pulled back from the red-and-black-clad man and said, "Don't think this will change our relationship, Wade."

"Don't worry, Onimi, I'm fine with it," Deadpool said. "In fact, I'd like to get to know Nommy, too."

"Cool," Onimi said. "So I guess the mission's done then."

"It is," a spectral voice said from out of nowhere.

Before Nom Anor could ask, a bright, shining bald man in blue and white robes, but with no pupils in his milky-white eyes, appeared before the three of them.

It was Uatu the Watcher, as Nom Anor guessed.

"Onimi, even though you could have very well jeopardized this mission by indulging the subconscious desires of your comrade, I do not see why you are to be reprimanded, as Mara Jade Skywalker is now dead and time in this reality will reassemble itself so that it will not go undone its near future. Good work, men. You may go home now." And with that, Uatu disappeared in a flash of light.

"Well, let's go now," Onimi said simply as he and Deadpool activated their transporters, and the both of them, with Nom Anor, were gone.


	5. Chapter 5

Deadpool and Onimi: Chapter 5

"You know, I'm curious," Nom Anor said as he, Deadpool, and Onimi ate McDonald's Big Macs on the fold-able tables, watching an episode of _The Golden Girls_ to appease Deadpool, "how is it that I'm able to stomach food made for humans?"

"You mean with the Cheerios and this shit?" Deadpool asked.

"Yes," Nom Anor said.

"Well, I'm able to stomach it because I modified the toxins in my body so that I am at least tolerant of Earth food," Onimi said. "For you, I figured you would try to escape before breakfast, hence the electrocuting doorknob. And that doorknob also slightly modified your own body chemistry just enough so that you can stomach McDonald's and whatever else Earth has for even its worst foods."

"Oh, I see," Nom Anor said as he took another bite into his Big Mac. "So when are we having another mission? We haven't had one in three days."

"Hey, keep in mind, Nommy, the next mission Wade and I will have may not involve a Mara Jade Skywalker," Onimi said after swallowing his own chunk of Big Mac. "And we can't have you come along if there's a chance you'll jeopardize a non-Mara Jade mission and I find it's not something you'll get off on."

"Oh. Right," Nom Anor said in disappointment before taking yet another bite in his hamburger. He then looked over to Deadpool just as the episode of _The Golden Girls_ that they were watching ended up at its credits. "So, Deadpool, why do you always wear that mask of yours?"

"I like my mask," he said simply.

"Well, I see from the skin of your mouth that you're not a standard human," Nom Anor pointed out. "I mean, yes, you revealed that healing ability of yours-"

"Nommy, Nommy," Onimi interjected. "I wouldn't go there if I were you. Deadpool's appearance is a very sensitive issue to him."

Nom Anor looked back from Onimi to Deadpool. "You hang out with this guy, and you're sensitive about your own appearance?"

"Hey!" Onimi exclaimed as he punched Nom Anor in the back.

"Ow! I meant that in jest! I thought we were friends, Onimi!" Nom Anor said.

"Oh," Onimi replied. "Well, in that case..." He then lightly punched Nom Anor in the back in a more visible display of friendship.

"Ooh. That still hurts," Nom Anor said.

"Oh, stop complaining," Onimi said.

"Look, I just don't like talking about my appearance, Nommy," Deadpool said. "So drop it."

"Fine then," Nom Anor said awkwardly. "May I at least ask how you two got together though?"

"Sure," Deadpool said after he ate the last of his Big Mac. "You remember Uatu, right?"

"Of course," Nom Anor affirmed.

"Well, after I completed one of my usual mercenary missions here on Earth," Deadpool began explaining, "he came to me and asked if I could solve problems to right certain wrongs that were occurring in the Multiverse, which is pretty much every universe in existence. I said yeah, and then he asked if I liked to have a partner. I then asked him if there were was a universe where the _Star Wars_ galaxy existed, and he said yeah. So I went there to..."

"Wait, _Star Wars_ galaxy?" Nom Anor interrupted.

"Oh, that's the galaxy your people invaded," Deadpool clarified. "Anyway..."

"Wait again," Nom Anor interrupted again. "Why did you ask him if such a specific galaxy existed?"

At that, both Deadpool and Onimi stilled on the couch.

"Uhh..." Deadpool trailed off. "Onimi, could you do that thing where you can manipulate people's minds and make him forget about that?"

"You took that ability away from me when you saved me from my fight with the Jacen Solo in my reality," Onimi reminded his red-and-black-clad friend. "That way, I couldn't take hold of your mind when you held me in captivity for three months as you broke me down to sanity."

Nom Anor's eyebrows raised before he turned back to Onimi. "Broke you down to sanity? What does that mean?"

"Well, you spend enough time with him, and when he's being deliberate about it, Deadpool can not only drive people insane, but he can also drive insane people sane," Onimi explained. "Or at least to some form of relative sanity, like with me."

"Took me a few months, but it worked," Deadpool said. "Anyway, Uatu suggested Onimi to me because he was the most powerful Force user ever, right before Jacen Solo achieved oneness with the Force and killed him. I managed to save Onimi from his fight with Solo by capturing him, teleporting us back here to this reality, and then for three months, I used a sedative on him to control him so that he couldn't pose a threat to me, and we then became partners. We went on quite a few missions together, such as taking out several different Palpatines and other evil fucks who posed a threat to the fabrication of reality. Or even just misguided good people, like the Mara that Onimi let you kill, Nommy."

"Very well," Nom Anor said. "But that still doesn't explain how you knew of the galaxy that my people invaded. If your people are still relegated to the informational limitations of your world, how did you know about us?"

After a moment, Deadpool said, "Let's just say I know a few things most others don't."

"Oh. Well, in that case, why did you and Onimi look so worried there then?" Nom Anor asked.

"Well, let's just say I know those things through means you don't wanna know," Deadpool said.

"Really? That sounds... interesting," Nom Anor commented.

"That's not even the half of it," Deadpool replied.

Nom Anor didn't think he could get any further with this line of questioning, but, after he and Onimi finished their own Big Macs, he asked anyway, "Why do you call it the _Star Wars_ galaxy?"

"That's from one of my resources that you don't wanna know about," Deadpool answered.

"But you let Onimi know about that, didn't you?" Nom Anor asked.

"How did you know?" Onimi asked.

"You both reacted the same way," Nom Anor answered, turning to the Shamed One. "It wasn't hard to discern from there that Deadpool shared you his secrets, Onimi."

"Oh, yes," Onimi said. "That was part of my 'breaking down into sanity' sessions. If you knew that shit that Deadpool and I know, Nommy, you'd go friggin' insane."

"Hunh," Nom Anor said. "Forbidden knowledge, isn't it?"

"You can say that," Onimi said.

At that, Nom Anor knew that he would get no more information on the matter from his compatriots. The three of them then spent the next several minutes in awkward silence as they watched TV, particularly another episode of _The Golden Girls_, since it was a marathon today.

"Is this all you guys do?" Nom Anor asked.

"It's what I always do when I'm not on a job," Deadpool said. "At least before Onimi became my partner."

"Oh, so you do do other things besides watching _The Golden Girls_?" Nom Anor asked.

Deadpool chuckled. "You said do do," he said.

"First duty, and now do do?" Onimi said. "C'mon, Wade!"

"Oh, what?" Deadpool exclaimed. "I like my toilet humor. So sue me."

Rolling his mismatched eyes at his partner's immaturity, Onimi turned back to Nom Anor. "Yeah, Nommy, ever since I came along, Wade and I did do other things on our downtime."

"Such as?" Nom Anor asked.

"Well, during our interdimensional travels, we came across this glorious reality, where us guys who aren't as likely to get laid as, say, Taylor Lautner or Richard Grieco back in the latter's prime," Onimi explained, "can fuck all we want, whoever we want, regardless of what they think about it. It's called Rapist Reality."

"Rapist Reality?" Nom Anor asked, incredulous.

"Yep, Rapist Reality," Onimi affirmed. "It was settled by a buncha other interdimensional travelers from many other realities. What they do is they smuggle men, women, members of transgender species, etc. into this reality against their will when those aforementioned fucks who get raped are a buncha losers who no one'll miss. Wanna visit it?"

"I wouldn't mind visiting," Nom Anor replied.

"Great, I'd love to return there," Onimi said enthusiastically before he looked across Nom Anor to Deadpool. "Whaddya say, Wade?"

"During a _Golden Girls_ marathon? No way in hell."

"All right, I'll just take Nommy by myself," Onimi said. "You enjoy your reruns."

And with that, Onimi and Nom Anor were teleported off the couch, leaving Deadpool behind to watch his favorite show.


	6. Chapter 6

Deadpool and Onimi: Chapter 6

Instead of ending up in Rapist Reality, as Onimi had predicted, he and Nom Anor both found themselves falling from the sky of a lush, beautiful world with forests walling the sides of a vast, luxurious castle for miles all around. They both landed hard on the roof of this castle, with Onimi on his mangled back on Nom Anor on his side. While the impact of the landing did hurt him, he was surprised he didn't end up with any broken bones on that side.

As he and Onimi slowly pushed themselves up to their feet, Nom Anor asked him, "How are we only mildly injured from that fall, Onimi?"

"Simple. I used the Force to cushion our landing."

"Okay. Next question: why are we not in Rapist Reality?"

"What makes you think this isn't Rapist Reality?" Onimi asked. "Have you ever been there, huh?"

"No, but-"

"Ah, ah, ah, you have no say here then, man," Onimi interjected.

"Very well. Then is this Rapist Reality?"

"No, it is not."

Rolling his eyes, Nom Anor asked, "Then where are we?"

"Let me find out." Onimi then took his belt from his waist and observed it briefly before opening it up. "Ah, crap, it's busted. It won't tell me where the hell we are. We're stuck here now until Uatu picks us up and takes us back to Deadpool."

"You know how to fix it yourself?" Nom Anor asked.

"No, Deadpool's got a guy for that," Onimi answered. "I never bothered to learn it myself. And neither did Deadpool."

"So we really are stuck here then," Nom Anor said, irritated.

"Oh, c'mon, don't be so down about it. I mean, how much worse can it get?"

Suddenly, Nom Anor and Onimi both heard footsteps coming from nearby. They both turned to the direction of the footsteps, which was a door that led down to the rest of the castle. The door disappeared beneath the threshold, revealing a solemn Jacen Solo, his green lightsaber ablaze, ready to take on any threat that came his way.

"Nom Anor!" Jacen said in surprise, his view of Onimi entirely obscured by Nom Anor's form in front of him. "What are you doing here? And how did you get off of Zonama Sekot? You're supposed to still be th-" Jacen trailed off when Onimi stepped around Nom Anor, the Shamed One revealing his form before the Jedi Knight with his arms out, as if he was ready to party.

"Jacen, how the hell are ya, man?" Onimi said in a tone that mirrored his first words to Nom Anor upon picking him up from Zonama Sekot. "Did you miss me?"

"Onimi!" Jacen said, shocked, raising his lightsaber up in self-defense. "No! This can't be! I killed you! I watched you die!"

"Well, I'm back now, motherfucker, so how you like them apples?"

Jacen's expression of shock mixed with a tinge of confusion. "What apples?"

"Oh, it's an expression," Onimi waved. "My point is, I'm back, so whatcha gonna do about it?"

At that, Jacen hesitated. "The last time we met, you vowed to exterminate everyone and every living thing in the galaxy. I stopped you, and you ended up as a puddle of fluids on the deck of your own ship before it blew up. As a Jedi Knight, I'm obligated to ask if you have those very same intentions before I decide to kill you."

"So what're you sayin'? That if I say that wasn't my intention at all, you'd kill me anyway?"

"What? No. That's not it at all. If you did say no, I'll ask what your overall intention is then."

"And if I said yes, how could you be so sure I wouldn't just come back again a few years later?" Onimi asked.

Jacen hesitated again. "How did you come back?"

"Well, you remember how you had to achieve oneness of the Force in order to defeat me?" Onimi asked.

"Yes?"

"Well, then, let me ask. How's your life been since?"

"Why is it any of your business?"

"Because, Jacen," Onimi began, "I have returned... because you have become... a weak, ass, pussy."

"What?" Jacen asked.

"That's right," Onimi said. "You're a weak, ass, pussy. You've never been able to achieve such heights since, eh?"

"No, I haven't. What's your point?"

"I've returned because your failure to achieve anywhere near that state of oneness has caused the Force itself, believe it or not, to undo what you did to me, bringing me back to life, so that you can once again take charge of your own life and not act as Tenel Ka's bitch," Onimi explained.

"Excuse me?" Jacen asked, leveling the lightsaber again.

"Oh, put that thing away, I'd be able to kill you even if you had ten lightsabers," Onimi said. "Not sure how that's physically possible for you to carry three lightsabers, never mind ten, but whatever. My point is, you need to get back with Danni."

"Danni?" Jacen said, eyes lighting up with sad remembrance before returning to cold attention against Onimi. But he did deactivate and put away his lightsaber. "Why do you care about me and Danni?"

Onimi smiled. "Because it's the only way you're ever gonna lose me, man."

Jacen was silent for a moment in quiet contemplation before he said, "You didn't answer my question. Why do _you_care?"

Onimi sighed. "Jacen, even a psychotic omnicidal wacko like myself has decided to let bygones be bygones, especially after I saw how miserably pathetic your life has become... from beyond the Force, that is. So I came back because the Force allowed me to straighten your life out, because after you got pussy-whipped like that, with Tenel Ka forcing you to fuck her, Tahiri ratting on you to Danni, Danni herself refusing you back in her and your daughter's life, and of course, Lumiya and Alema Rar kickin' your ass and killing the World Brain, I say that whatever feelings of vengeance I had for you in the afterlife are now gone. Now I wanna straighten your ass out. There, does that answer your question?"

Jacen was silent once more before he asked, "You came back just to help me?"

Onimi shrugged. "Yeah, I've become something of a sap when I was dead."

Jacen shook his head. "I robbed you of the Force when I killed you. There'd be no afterlife for you."

"You'd think that, wouldn't you?" Onimi said. "Ah, but alas, does the circumstances of my continued existence really matter in the face of you getting back together with the one you truly love, and not that bimbo queen you were forced to marry?"

"Tenel Ka is not a bimbo," Jacen said firmly. "She may have ruined my life, but she loves me, and we were friends for years."

"So what? She's still a bimbo," Onimi shot back.

Jacen breathed in visibly before he said, "Danni won't let me back."

"Don't worry, I've got just the thing to get you back with her," Onimi said.

"And what is that?" Jacen asked.

"Kidnap Tenel Ka, bring her to Zonama Sekot, and allow Danni to kill her," Onimi said.

Jacen's eyes emitted a new kind of shock. "You're trying to turn me to the dark side, aren't you?"

"Dude, I don't even believe in that whole light and dark side parts of the Force shit, man," Onimi said. "Fuck, I don't even believe the Force is that all-encompassing mystical energy you Jedi talk so much about. You know what it really is? It's a bunch of microscopic bacteria in your bloodstream that gives you this super power. That's all there is to it, ya got it, man? So, for all you'd give a shit, or for all you _should_ give a shit about it, don't even think in terms of light and dark anymore, and just come to the fact that all of us are just a bunch of deluded fuckheads. Ya dig that, dawg?"

"What in all nine Corellian hells are you talking about?" Jacen asked.

"I know, I'm not very good with slang," Onimi said. "But my point is, if you wanna get back with Danni, just go down there, kidnap Tenel Ka, bring her to Zonama Sekot, and have Danni kill her. That'll show her that you do love her after all."

After a moment, Jacen said, "Even if I could get away with it, assuming it doesn't lead me, never mind Danni, down the path of the dark side-"

"Hey, what did I just say in thinking those terms?"

"Or if this doesn't get me in trouble from the rest of the Jedi Order, I'll have the entire Hapes Consortium-at least those who don't want to kill Tenel Ka-come after me for going against their queen. How am I supposed to avoid execution for treason."

Onimi lifted a finger and opened his mouth before saying, "I have no idea. You're right, there is a flaw in this plan."

"Look, I'd rather you just go ahead and kill me right now, because there's no way I'm doing anything you say," Jacen said as he took out and reactivated his lightsaber. "So, if you can kill me when I have this, let's see you try. And I do remember that there is no dark or light side." With that, Jacen charged.

But Onimi leaped back from Jacen's stab to his torso before using the Force to pull the lightsaber out of his hand. As the weapon soared from Jacen to Onimi, the blade automatically deactivated so it didn't cut its new handler along the way as the Shamed One caught it firmly at the handle. But instead of using the lightsaber against Jacen, the weapon instantly dissolved into steam as it sat in Onimi's palm.

"How did you do that?" Jacen asked.

"I had the toxins in my body secrete out into my hand here to dissolve your lightsaber away," Onimi said. "Now that we've got that settled, let's move onto business."

But Jacen decided to continue attacking anyway as he lunged for Onimi. The latter, however, managed to easily deflect each of Jacen's blows from his fists and his booted feet in ten seconds before knocking him down against the floor of the roof on his back.

"Daddy? What's going on?" the voice of a little girl emitted at the door from where Jacen entered the roof.

"Allana, stay away!" Jacen called as he turned prone to warn off the little redheaded girl.

"Hey, is that your daughter?" Onimi asked Jacen.

Jacen turned back to Onimi, teeth gritted in anger. "Don't you dare-" He was then abruptly silenced into unconsciousness as Onimi kicked him in the side of the head, knocking him unconscious.

The Shamed One then looked from his downed Jedi opponent to the latter's daughter. "Hey, little girl, wanna come with me and my friend-" he indicated Nom Anor with the nod of his head "-to have some fun?"

Little Allana Solo stared back at the two Yuuzhan Vong, particularly at Onimi, in terror, especially after seeing her powerful father beaten like that. She turned around and ran away as Onimi, having put his interdimensional belt back to his waist already, pushed it and teleported away, much to Nom Anor's surprise.

Seconds later, down the steps that led away from the roof of the castle, Onimi appeared before Allana, and before she could react, he knocked her out by grabbing her by the arms, pulling her close, and sinking his large fang into her arm. She passed out instantly as a restrained version of his toxic fluids rendered her unconscious before he teleported both of them back to the roof, appearing before Nom Anor.

"C'mon, let's steal a ship from here, and go back to Zonama Sekot," Onimi said. He then grabbed Nom Anor by the wrist and teleported all three of them out of there just as Jacen was waking up.

A few seconds later, Onimi, Nom Anor, and the unconscious Allana appeared in the cockpit of a Hapan freighter, its pilot and copilot readying for a takeoff. After Onimi quickly handed Allana's body to Nom Anor, he moved in on the two male Hapans just as they turned around to watch him close in on them. They didn't time to react before he stabbed his fingernails in both their necks, killing them instantly as lethal poison oozed from his fingertips into their bloodstream. Onimi then dragged both the bodies to the back of the ship, where the open ramp waited to be closed, and then he threw both corpses down the ramp to hit the floor of the hangar that the vessel was docked in.

At that, Onimi pressed the button placed on the bulkhead nearby to reel the ramp up and then he rushed back into the cockpit.

"Chewie, get us outta here!" Onimi called out as he ran to the ship's controls.

"What?" Nom Anor asked as he seated himself, with the unconscious Allana in his lap, in the copilot's seat.

"Oh, nothing, just a reference to something you don't need to know about," Onimi said as he sat in the pilot's seat and then piloted the ship to the open exit of the hangar.

"Since when did you become a pilot?" Nom Anor asked.

"Since when the hell did you never not stop asking questions?" Onimi asked.

"What?" Nom Anor asked again.

"Exactly," Onimi responded.

"All right, what is going on here now, Onimi?" Nom Anor asked. "You lied to me. You said your teleporter wasn't working, but obviously, it did. Now we're stealing a Hapan ship while also kidnapping a little girl, and we're doing this why?"

"What's a matter? You have a problem with stealing ships and kidnapping little girls?" Onimi asked.

"I do if I don't know what the hell you're planning!" Nom Anor responded.

"Oh, it's quite simple," Onimi said just as they reached the planet's atmosphere. "We... oh, hold on, I gotta teleport us outta here. There's a buncha Hapan fighters coming our way now." With that, he pressed the button on his belt, and the entire ship disappeared.


	7. Chapter 7

Deadpool and Onimi: Chapter 7

As the Hapan freighter appeared in another part of space from Onimi's teleportation, the Shamed One looked over to Nom Anor and said, "So, like I was saying, here's what we're doing. I know that this ship is bugged, because I felt it through the Force just before we took off. Most Hapan ships are bugged, mostly for assassination attempts against the Queen Mother, but that's besides the point. Now, there is no fucking doubt in my mind that since we just kidnapped the Queen Mother's daughter, they're going to track this ship to the end of the fucking universe if they to in order to get little Allana here back to Tenel Ka. And right, now we're at the farthest corner of the galaxy from Hapes, so it'll take them quite a while to get to us. You got that?"

"Yes, but I don't see how this is at all good for us," Nom Anor said plainly.

"Oh, I'm getting there," Onimi said. "You see, not only did we kidnap Tenel Ka's daughter, but we also kidnapped Jacen's daughter. And if he wants to get her back, I think he knows what I want him to do."

"Which is have Danni Quee kill Tenel Ka Djo?" Nom Anor asked.

"Yessiree," Onimi said.

"Okay, first off. How do you even know he'll even do that anyway, and not just come after his own daughter by himself, if not with a Hapan flotilla on our ass? Second, what makes you think he'll even think that anyway?"

"Oh, c'mon, it's pretty obvious, isn't it?" Onimi asked.

"No, it's not, none of this obvious. Because I still wonder why the fuck we're doing this."

"Because we're gonna get another friend, Nommy," Onimi said.

"What?"

"You know, I notice, you like saying what a lot. Is that, like, your favorite word or something?"

Ignoring Onimi's rhetorical question, Nom Anor continued with, "Are you saying that we're going to have Jacen Solo as another 'friend?'"

"Of course, why not?" Onimi asked.

"Okay, why did you bring me along?" Nom Anor asked.

"Because I like your company, man," Onimi answered simply.

Nom Anor breathed in heavily to control his own anger before asking, "Okay. Anyway, may I ask just how any of this is going to work?"

"Simple," Onimi said as he took out a piece of paper from his belt and a bag of an unknown brown substance. "We're gonna get him high."

"What is that?" Nom Anor asked.

"It's a little friend of mine called Mary-Ju-Anna," Onimi said as he opened up the bag of marijuana, took out a piece of it, rolled it up in the piece of paper, took out a cigarette lighter from his belt, lit it, and then brought it up to one end of the paper as he stuck the other end in his mouth. He shut off the lighter and inhaled the fumes before puffing it out in a satisfactory sigh. "Now, we're gonna start a little clambake in here, and little Allana may very well be the first girl in the galaxy to get high on this shit."

At that, Allana began waking up. She then looked up at her captors and screamed in fear. She then struggled out of Nom Anor's lap and ran to the back of the cabin. Nom Anor stood up to go get her, but Onimi sat him back down with a touch of his hand to his wrist. "Don't worry, man. We're in space. There's nowhere she can run. And soon, she won't be afraid at all."

~o~

In the passenger compartment of the freighter, half an hour later, Onimi sat on the deck against the armrest of one of the chairs while Nom Anor laid lazily but happily against that same chair in a fetal position, his head hanging back just over Onimi's. Allana, meanwhile, sat in another chair nearby, her posture upright and royal yet somehow smooth and lazy as well.

"I am proud of the work we've done today, Nommy," Onimi said. "We kidnapped a little girl, we killed a couple people-well, I killed a couple people, you just watched-we stole a ship, and then we get a little girl high. I'm sure there's nothing wrong with this at all, man."

"You know, even in this state, Onimi, I still have to ask," Nom Anor said. "We're going to get Jacen on this shit, too, right?"

"Damn right," Onimi said with a cool nod.

"So why didn't we do this in the first place back on Hapes?" Nom Anor asked.

"Because we're also going to get Jacen and Danni back together," Onimi said. "And this is the only way to do that."

"All right then. So why didn't we just kidnap Jacen himself instead, teleport to Zonama Sekot, get both him and Danni Quee high, and then have them live happily ever after with him as our new friend? Why do we have to complicate this?"

"Because it's fun, that's why, man," Onimi said.

At that, he and Nom Anor laughed, and Allana laughed with them just for the hell of it.

"Oh, if I wasn't high right now, I'd probably kill you for this," Nom Anor admitted, still in slurred speech.

"Dude, even in this state, I can kill you with just my jackoff hand," Onimi said, pointing to his right hand.

"Your jackoff hand?" Nom Anor asked.

"Dude, don't bring that up with a little girl in this cabin, man," Onimi said.

After a moment, Nom Anor said, "Whatever, man. So is Jacen gonna probably do something like convince Tenel Ka to come out here to save her own daughter when we're really luring her into a trap or something? And we're just relying on Jacen to hold up his end of the bargain in his own desperate bid to save his kid?"

"That's it exactly, man!" Onimi said. "Now we're on the same wavelength here, now. This is what happens when you smoke weed, dude. We think a lot alike."

"Yeah, it's a brilliant plan, I'll admit," Nom Anor said. "So how long do you think it'll be before the Hapans find us here?"

"Oh, I'd say about... now," Onimi said as he looked at an imaginary watch on his "jackoff" wrist.

At that, a communications ping continually ran in the cabin from the cockpit. Onimi then picked himself up off the floor and then went to drag Allana off of the other chair. "C'mon, kid, we're gonna see your mommy."

"Yaaaaaay!" Allana said, her speech slurred from the marijuana.

Seconds later, when Onimi and Allana were in the cockpit, the former answered the communications screen. Queen Mother Tenel Ka Djo's face appeared on the screen, though from her angle, she could only see her daughter, her eyes red-rimmed and droopy as they accompanied her leisurely smile.

"Allana! I am so glad to see you, I... what is wrong with your eyes?" Tenel Ka asked.

"The two ugly men who kidnapped me, Mommy, had smoke go all through the ship until we were all just happy, and I was queen of the ship," Allana said.

"Emperor's black bones, what happened to you?" Tenel Ka asked, her voice and expression tinged with concern.

Onimi then leaned to the viewscreen. "Hi, Mommy. I'm one of the ugly men who beat the shit out of your husband, kidnapped your daughter, killed two of your people, stole one of your ships, and had your ten year-old daughter smoke something akin to spice. May I have a lolly pop?"

"You monster!" Tenel Ka cried out.

"No, seriously, I think we can all do with a lolly pop, because I am _hungry_!" Onimi emphasized. "What do you think, Allana!"

"I like lolly pops," Allana said, her speech still slurred. "They are a good idea right now, because I really am hungry."

"This is unacceptable!" Tenel Ka shouted. "You will pay for this!"

At that, she cut the communication.

"Aaand we're off," Onimi said before he hit the teleportation button on his belt, transporting the ship out of there before any Hapan freighters could board with Onimi's.

~o~

The Hapan freighter next appeared right on the surface of Zonama Sekot, right outside the grashal of Danni and Jorielle Solo.

"Aaand we're here," Onimi said before looking back down at the little girl beside him. "Hey, Allana, wanna meet your daddy's other daughter?"

"You mean my sister?" Allana asked, ecstatic despite herself.

"Well, more like half-sister, but let's not get into the technicals, kay?" Onimi asked.

"Kay," Allana said with a nod.

"Hey, Nommy, we're back on the planet I rescued you from," Onimi called back to the cabin.

"Yaaaayyy!" Nom Anor said with arms waving in the air because of his drug-induced euphoria. "Whhhyyy?"

"Because we're going to introduce little Allana to her bigger sister! Isn't that nice, Nommy?" Onimi asked as he walked Allana from the cockpit through the cabin.

"It is nice," Nom Anor said with nods of his head as Onimi and Allana passed him by.

Minutes later, after Onimi lowered the ramp to the freighter, he and Allana slowly walked down. At the bottom, Onimi spread his hands out to the lush environment around them as he said, "Welcome, Allana, to Zonama Sekot, the living planet!"

"It is beautiful!" Allana said as she looked all around her, spinning in a circle because of how high she was.

"What's going on here?" a booming, commanding female voice announced.

Onimi and Allana turned to regard the form of Danni Quee Solo, the Magister of Zonama Sekot, standing there and evaluating them.

"Oh, hi, Sekot," Onimi said, like he was Tommy Wiseau from _The Room_. "Remember me?"

"Yes, I do," Sekot said in Danni's body. "You took Nom Anor away from me? Why?"

"I wanted him to be my friend," Onimi answered.

"And you've brought him back. Why?"

"Why is everyone always asking me questions?" Onimi asked himself. "Well, he's not staying. He's still with me."

"Why can't I take him back?" Sekot asked.

"Because I'll teleport his ass outta here whenever the fuck I want," Onimi said, his euphoria dampening whatever edge he would have had in his voice.

"Very well," Sekot said. "Then who is this girl?"

"Jacen Solo's other daughter," Onimi answered.

"Ah, yes, I recall hearing about her from Danni," Sekot said. "And you have her on the same euphoria you are on right now."

"Yeah, I did that just for fun," Onimi said. "I always wanted to get a little high on a little bitta marijuana."

"What is the meaning of this?" Sekot asked.

"I'm gettin' Jacen Solo over here," Onimi explained.

"Why?"

Onimi sighed in frustration. "First, Nommy is always like what, now you're like why. I am getting really annoyed by that."

"Answer my question," Sekot said firmly.

"Fine," Onimi said after another sigh. "So he can be my friend. He brought Tenel Ka, the bitch who took Jacen away from Danni, along, so Danni can kill her."

"What makes you think Danni would do that?" Sekot asked.

"She fucked her man. That sounds like a good reason."

"Hey, you swore!" Allana called out, though not really sounding all that serious.

"Eh, fuck it, we all swear," Onimi said.

"Very well," Sekot said, ignoring what Onimi and Allana just said. "Just tell me: how do you think I'm going to even allow Danni to commit murder, even if she wanted to?"

Onimi spread out his hands. "Through love, Sekot." At that, Onimi's entire body oozed out marijuana even as he simultaneously pulled it out of the ship and had it burn in his own open bag in his belt, letting it all permeate the atmosphere around himself, Allana, and Sekot.


	8. Chapter 8

Deadpool and Onimi: Chapter 8

As Onimi and Danni-Sekot lounged against the outside of her grashal with the latter's daughter, Onimi asked, "So whaddya say?"

Sekot looked to Onimi. "For love."

"Damn right for love. For the love between Jacen and Danni."

~o~

As the _Dragon Queen II_ came out of hyperspace with its flotilla of Hapan cruisers, the capital ship of the fleet received an instant communication from the world up ahead; from Zonama Sekot.

"Put it on," Tenel Ka, in her commanding chair, said after the ensign who informed her of the message asked her if they should heed it.

A holographic representation of Danni Quee's head, possessed by Sekot herself, appeared on the bridge before Tenel Ka. "Queen Mother Tenel Ka Djo," Sekot said in Danni's voice. Tenel Ka noted that her eyes looked droopy in the image. "We were expecting you."

"Really?" Tenel Ka asked.

"We would like you to come on down to my surface," Sekot said. "And bring your husband along. Your daughter is here and she is safe. She would like to see you both first thing in person. The Yuuzhan Vong who have kidnapped her have been dealt with." At that, the communication was cut from the other end.

"Something is not right," Tenel Ka said after a moment of contemplation.

"It's from Sekot, dear," Jacen said from behind her as he stood behind her chair. "There's no reason we can't trust her."

Tenel Ka looked up at her husband, who looked back down with promising eyes.

"Very well," she said after looking away and standing up. "I will take a shuttle down with Jacen."

~o~

After that shuttle was parked on Zonama Sekot's surface, nearby where Danni-Sekot was standing, both Jacen and Tenel Ka quickly disembarked the shuttle.

The first thing Tenel Ka asked Sekot was, "Where is my daughter?"

"She is safe," Sekot said.

Then, suddenly, both Jacen and Tenel Ka felt Sekot's presence leave Danni's body altogether.

"But you're not, bitch," Danni, no longer possessed by Sekot, said with contempt.

At that, she pounced on the Hapan Queen Mother, quickly removing her of her lightsaber and throwing it away. As Tenel Ka tried to recall her lightsaber to her hand, Danni continually punched her, making sure she couldn't use the Force to retrieve her weapon.

"Jacen, help me!" Tenel Ka cried out.

"I'm sorry, Tenel Ka," Jacen said in a genuine apology. "But this is for Allana."

Half a minute of constantly pounding on Tenel Ka later, Danni had finally killed her.

"Jacen!" Danni said in a psychotic, cheerful smile as she moved away from Tenel Ka's bloodied corpse and moved in to kiss her ex-husband. "I'm so glad you've come back to me!"

But when she touched him, he pushed her away. Her smile quickly changed into confused sadness.

"This is what it took, huh?" Jacen said. "You killing her? Danni, what has happened to you?"

"What happened was that I fell for you, Jacen," Danni said with a look of hurt. "And when she took you, I couldn't bare to know that my man had fucked a woman who still lived."

"Fuck," Jacen said. "Fuck. Onimi says fuck. Why are you saying it?"

"He introduced us to it," Danni said. "Sounds quite apt, don't you think?"

"Onimi is manipulating you, isn't he," Jacen said. It wasn't a question.

"Oh, no, no, no, you've got it all wrong, Jacen," Danni said. "Since I fell for you, I couldn't live without you. That's why I'm so crazy to you, isn't it? I had to know you were mine and mine alone. And the only way I could make sure you were mine is if that bimbo there-" she pointed to Tenel Ka "-was finally gone. Onimi just freed me from my complacency, and from Sekot's control by getting her high on a drug called marijuana."

"So this is what you are since you fell for me?" Jacen said in shock.

"Oh, yes, Jacen, oh, yes," Danni said, nodding with a tinge of mental instability in her body language. "Now can we be together forever?"

Jacen hesitated before he smiled. "Yes, we can," he said as he pulled her close into a big kiss.

Which was followed quickly with Jacen activating his lightsaber, and the blade stabbed Danni through the gut. As he pulled back, he looked into her eyes, which reflected the damage to her psyche, as she died. He deactivated his lightsaber and let her body drop on top of Tenel Ka. He then turned and rushed to the direction of Danni's grashal, which was a block away. He didn't take note of the Hapan freighter there as Nom Anor stumbled down the open ramp. Jacen completely ignored him.

There, he found Allana laying on the floor of the grashal unconscious. Jacen looked around, and found Onimi leaning against the wall behind him off in a corner.

"She's fine, as you can sense from her Force presence," Onimi said. "I just knocked her out for a bit so she wouldn't have to feel as much pain the Force regarding her mother's death."

"What was all this about?" Jacen asked, defeated.

"Like I said, for you to grow a pair, and take control of your life," Onimi said. "You've done that now, haven't you, with Danni. You're free from Tenel Ka, and now you're free of your grief over your marriage to Danni. How do you feel about this?"

Jacen looked from the floor up to Onimi. After a while, he said, "I feel proud."

Onimi smiled. "Good. You can take your daughter now."

"Speaking of which, where's Jorielle?" Jacen asked.

"Also out," Onimi said. "In her room, too. Had to make sure the pain of her own mother's demise would diminish a little."

"I believe you," Jacen said. "I can sense her presence. But what about the Hapans?"

"What Hapans?" Onimi asked.

Jacen looked at Onimi with a curious look before he felt and heard a seismic shock beneath his feet. It passed quickly, and he rushed out to look up into the sky. The bright daylight was filled with orange blossoms as the entire Hapan flotilla was rendered into a series of explosions.

In horror, Jacen looked back to Onimi. "You ended all those lives... for me?"

"Not me," Onimi clarified. "My old pal Deadpool did that. While you and Tenel Ka went down here, he teleported onto each ship and placed bombs on each of them, timed to explode just at the same time. We planned this a couple days in advance back in our own reality. Pretty neat, these bombs, eh?"

"Reality?" Jacen asked. "What are you talking about?"

"This is what I'm talking about," Onimi said as his body once again oozed out marijuana smoke to Jacen.

Immediately, he was high as a kite.

"Wanna be friends now?" Onimi asked.

"Sure," Jacen replied euphorically.


	9. Chapter 9

Deadpool and Onimi: Chapter 9

Deadpool, Onimi, Nom Anor, and Jacen Solo all sat on Deadpool's couch, watching the film _No Country for Old Men_ as Jacen was smoking some marijuana while simultaneously eating various chips of various brands, with various combinations of condiments and flavorings. The other three men were simply watching the movie while eating chimichungas.

It had been about two days since the four of them had left the previous reality after Onimi introduced Jacen to marijuana. Since then, he had pretty much become a hippie, while back over in his reality, his daughter, Jorielle, became the new Magister of Zonama Sekot, taking the position of her late mother. Of course, it wasn't long before she was forced to rally the planet's forces against the second Hapan armada that arrived when it was apparent that their Queen Mother wasn't coming back. Once the fleets confirmed that Tenel Ka was dead, they saved Allana, who had been roaming the world carefree off of the marijuana effects, and she also became the next Queen Mother.

Thanks to her, though, she decided not to go to war against Zonama, since a precocious ten-year-old like her, even under the influence of a drug, could determine that this must have been a plan to lure the two of them into a war. So she decided to simply collect her mother's body and return to the Consortium, the whole affair caused by Onimi forgotten except for the funeral for Tenel Ka that would take place a week later.

Now, here, even though Jacen would have every right to simply resort to the dark side and kill Onimi for what he did, he had become his friend, just as the Shamed Vong had planned. As Onimi later revealed to Nom Anor, the marijuana he gave to everyone but Jacen was regular marijuana, whose effects would wear off after a time. But when it came to Jacen, Onimi modified the effects of the drug to permanently take control of Jacen's mind and become his friend forever, no matter what he did.

"You know, I never did get why the hell Javier Berdem won an Oscar for playing Anton Chigurh," Deadpool said between munches of his chimichunga. "He's just an expressionless zombie who walks around with a gun that makes a sound that's scarier than his face. This movie's so fucking boring, too. Nothing's happening. Why the hell are we watching this movie, Onimi?"

"Because it kinda ties in with our next mission," Onimi said after swallowing his chunk of chimichunga. "And this time, we won't need you, Wade. Or you, Nommy. It'll just be Jacen and I."

"Cool, why do I get to come?" Jacen asked after eating a BBQ Lays chip dipped in a hybrid combination of vanilla and hot sauce.

"We're going to do a little social experiment, Jacen," Onimi said.

"When we going then?" Jacen asked.

"Soon as you're done eating your shit," Onimi said.

"My feces? That's disgusting, man."

"No, I meant your chips in your horrible amalgamations of sauces."

"Oh, right," Jacen said, correcting himself. "Gimme a while then."

"No problem," Onimi said.

Three hours later, as Deadpool, Onimi, and Nom Anor passed the time, finishing their chimichungas, _No Country for Old Men_, and playing chess-each taking turns to play against one another-Jacen, in his slow, marijuana-induced pace, finally finished all of his chips.

"Okay, I'm ready to go now," Jacen said.

"Kay," Onimi said as he grabbed Jacen's hand, and the two of them were teleported out of there.

"So whatcha wanna do now?" Deadpool asked Nom Anor once the other two were gone.

"You know, Onimi promised that we'd go into Rapist Reality," Nom Anor said. "Can we go?"

"Yeah, sure, why not," Deadpool said with a shrug. Grabbing Nom Anor by the shoulder, he teleported the both of them out of the apartment, and into Rapist Reality.

~o~

It had been about six months since the Jedi Order had been forced by the citizenry of Coruscant to leave the planet because of the apocalypse that it had endured three months before. Though Abeloth, the perpetrator of Coruscant's near-destruction, was dead, it was very possible that she would return, the Jedi feared. And with survivors of the Lost Tribe of the Sith still lurking out in the galaxy, there was nothing they weren't doing in trying to find the Mortis Dagger, which is apparently the only weapon that could kill Abeloth for good in case she returned, and hunting down Sith survivors.

Other than that, the galaxy was gradually returning to the peace it once knew prior to the Second Galactic Civil War, Luke Skywalker thought in his office in the Jedi's latest Temple on Denon. He was looking over the most recent reports from his subordinate Jedi Masters, Knights, and apprentices, where some reported failure in finding either the Mortis monolith or the world's dagger, and others reported success in either killing or apprehending Lost Tribe survivors. Currently, his own son, Ben, had gone undercover on Coruscant to look into the rumors of Sith hiding there. It was good for him, Luke thought, to be away from the manhunt for his former Sith love interest, Vestara Khai. It was even better that Ben was working with a new friend, Boride Gatarry, a Jedi Knight who was a few years his senior, but they have been getting along quite well. It was nice for Ben to be fraternizing more with his fellow Jedi than a Sith who'd want to corrupt him at every turn possible.

Luke's musings were interrupted when a bright flash appeared in front of his desk. He shielded his eyes away from the flash even as it dissipated, and he heard a _thunk!_ hit the floor of his office. When he removed his hand from his face, he looked to the floor, and he was shocked to find his nephew, Jacen Solo-who had died years earlier by the hands of his own sister, Jaina-pushing himself up to his feet.

"Uncle Luke, hey, how ya doing, man?" Jacen said with arms spread out, as if waiting for a hug. When Luke didn't give him such and only stared at him in disbelief, Jacen lowered his arms and said, "Yeah, yeah, I know, I know, I've been away for a couple days. And by now, you've probably heard about what happened to Tenel Ka and Danni, right? Look, I can explain-"

"What about Tenel Ka?" Luke interjected firmly.

"Oh, you didn't hear, huh?" Jacen asked. "Well, she was killed by Danni, thanks to me, since I brought Tenel Ka and a good portion of the Hapan fleet over to Zonama Sekot. Then I had to kill Danni herself because she was such a crazy bitch, then I had to leave this reality altogether after Deadpool blew up the Hapan fleet."

"Danni?" Luke asked. "You mean Danni Quee?"

"What other Danni could I possibly mean?" Jacen retorted.

"Who's Deadpool?" Luke asked.

"One of my new friends," Jacen answered.

With a nod, Luke asked, "What did you mean by reality?"

"Long story," Jacen waved off.

"I have all day," Luke said.

Jacen shrugged. "Well, I'm not exactly sure how to explain this myself. Uh... you remember that Yuuzhan Vong Shamed One I killed who turned out to be the real Supreme Overlord instead of Shimrra Jamaane?"

"Vaguely, yes," Luke said with a nod, still wary of his nephew's presence. "What about him?"

"Well, apparently, there's some other version of him from an alternate reality who came and picked me up after Tenel Ka and Danni died. He got me high on this spice called marijuana, and I've been happy every since. That's all I know."

Shaking his head in confusion, Luke said, "Well, you must have come from a different reality, because Tenel Ka isn't dead, Jacen. If she had died, the Hapes Consortium would be in turmoil, and right now, it's one of our biggest allies in locating any Sith survivors since the Jedi had to leave Coruscant."

"The Jedi had to leave Coruscant?" Jacen asked. "Why? Wait, what do you mean Tenel Ka isn't dead? I- Oh, wait. Yeah, you're right, this ain't my reality. If there's anything about Sith concerning the Consortium, I'd've known about it."

As if coming to a realization, Luke slowly nodded his head. "It would make sense that you are not this reality's Jacen, since he's been dead for almost four years now."

"My point exactly," Jacen said with a wave of his hand. "So, out of curiosity, what happened to this reality's Jacen, and what's all this with Sith I hear?"

Suddenly, the two of them felt a fiery presence in the Force. They both turned to the exit of Luke's office, which blew open, showing an angry Jaina Solo standing there with her purple lightsaber lit. Her face was a mix of anger and shock as she stared at Jacen.

"How could you still be alive?" she asked.

But, apparently, the question was more in retort, as she flung herself, blade pointing to Jacen's heart, over to her brother from another reality.

However, Luke used the Force to fling Jacen out of the way, and Jaina's lightsaber cleaved empty air when she landed.

"Master Skywalker, what are you doing?" Jaina asked Luke in incredulity. "Darth Caedus is alive! He must die again!"

"Darth Caedus?" Jacen asked.

Luke shook his head at Jaina. "That isn't our Jacen, Jaina."

Jaina stared at her uncle in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Jacen, if you care to explain?" Luke asked, motioning for Jaina to deactivate her lightsaber, which she hesitantly did as she readied herself to hear out her apparent brother's explanation.

~o~

Vestara woke up, breathing hard, in her quarters located in the One Sith's Temple on Korriban. When she stopped feeling the Force in her dreams, sleep instantly eluded her. She looked around in the darkness of her isolated area, and in the midst of that darkness, she found a disfigured, asymmetrical alien carrying some kind of long, limber animal across his shoulders.

"Who are you?" Vestara asked as she threw off the covers and stood up. She instinctively reached out to the top of the nearest cabinet where she placed her lightsaber, but then remembered that she was somehow cut off from the Force now. She decided to hurry over to the cabinet, but found that her lightsaber was missing.

"Looking for this?" the hideous alien retorted as he produced Vestara's lightsaber from up his sleeve.

Vestara thought about calling out for help. But her mouth was instantly clamped shut from doing so, as she felt the Force seal her lips tight, muffling her yells.

"I wouldn't do that if I were you," the figure said. "The only way you're going to get out of this situation is if you cooperate with me."

And with that, the pressure on Vestara's lips vanished, and she could move her mouth freely again.

"Oh, yes, I forgot to answer your first question," the figure said. "My name is Onimi. I am a disfigured Yuuzhan Vong. You may have heard of my species. We conquered this galaxy almost two decades ago."

"I'm barely familiar with what I know of your people through the histories that I do know of this galaxy," Vestara said.

"Really? Only _barely_? And to think that we'd've made a better impression than that," Onimi said.

"How did you cut me off from the Force like that?" Vestara asked.

"Through this ysalamari here," Onimi explained as he pointed to the animal draped across his shoulders like a scarf. "Normally, it'd have cancelled my own Force abilities had I not been smart enough to created chemicals within my own body to counter the ysalamari's effects. So, pretty much, I'm having my cake and eating it, too, in a sense."

"What do you want?" Vestara asked.

"Fuck Scarlett Johansson, but that's besides the point," Onimi said, eliciting a look of confusion from Vestara at the reference she wouldn't have understood. "What I want from you, Vestara Khai, is for you to get back with Ben Skywalker."

"How do you know my na-Wait, what was that last part?"

"Oh, good, for once, you're not interested in how I actually know things, you just wanna know how I can give what you want to you," Onimi said nonchalantly. "That's actually kinda refreshing, believe it or not."

Shaking her head in annoyance, Vestara asked, "How are you going to help me get back with Ben?"

"Come with me," Onimi said, stretching out his hand to her, "and I'll show you."

Hesitantly, Vestara approached Onimi until she grabbed his hand, and then he teleported the both of them out of there.

~o~

With much of Coruscant repaired following the volcanic apocalypse that it had suffered months earlier, the population of the planet had pretty much resumed its regular day-to-day operations and economy, with Wynn Dorvan elected as the proper Chief of State of the Galactic Alliance just three months earlier. So, as it was, Coruscant was the perfect hiding place for former Sith Tyro, Dubloch Velk, and his two former Sith friends, Waut Chauck and Derely Dith. All three of them were humans, so they blended in with the background of the planet quite well; had any of them been Keshiri, it would have been much harder to fit in as they would always have to wear makeup to hide their true skin color.

Dubloch, only approaching twenty, was currently living on welfare in one of Coruscant's barely-repaired slums in the planet's lower levels. It was fine with him, since it made him all the more discreet in this wretched hive of scum and villainy, topped off by desperation and poverty. Waut was doing better for himself, since he was already training a dojo in one of Coruscant's more residential districts in spite of his age. And Derely was working at a tapcafe nearby Dubloch's apartment as a waiter.

It was just the end of the day, with night settling over Coruscant, as Dubloch headed back home from buying a carton of blue milk via a cheque; not that the milk was expensive, he just had to go by cheque to pay for the milk on account of his welfare. His more lazy attitude made him unwanted from any employer whenever he went to interviews, and Dubloch was terrible in mind tricks; so he couldn't even manipulate his way into a job. Waut's assertiveness, bordering on aggressiveness, would have made him just as bad as Dubloch had it not been for his own mastery of mind tricks, which was how he was leading the dojo at age 18. Derely was the only one who was able to attain his job not through direct manipulation of his employer's mind, but through an indirect manipulation just through his personality.

As Dubloch opened the door to his apartment, everything was going normally for him, since he didn't sense anything out of the ordinary from his Force senses. But after he locked the door and opened the lights, he felt something ebbing in the Force from directly behind him. As he turned around, he only caught a glimpse of Ben Skywalker standing there before another Jedi rammed Dubloch directly from behind and dragged him over to the bathroom. That Jedi Knight slammed Dubloch right into the water of the toilet in his refresher, repeating the process as he asked, "Where are your other friends, Velk?"

As the Jedi slammed Dubloch into the toilet's water, the former Sith looked back up to the Knight and replied with, "I don't know, maybe I should take another look to find 'em." At that, the Jedi slammed Dubloch into the toilet again before dropping him to the floor.

"We know about who you are, Dubloch Velk," Ben Skywalker said. "Along with your friends. We don't know where they are, so we were hoping you would know. If you would oblige us, the charges against you will be levied."

"Charges? What kriffin' charges? What are you talking about?" Dubloch asked.

"We know that you and your friends are Sith," Skywalker said. "We felt it in the Force. Now where are they?"

"Does this place look like I'm a kriffin' Sith, man?" Dubloch exclaimed.

"Not on the surface, obviously," the other Jedi Knight said. "But we can always feel it in the Force."

"You know, I can sue you for breaking into my apartment," Dubloch said. "You Jedi are banned from Coruscant anyway. I'll tell the authorities, and you and the rest of the Order will be in trouble, you know that?"

"Don't play with us, Velk," Skywalker said. "Where are your friends?"

"If you know about my friends, then why haven't you located them as easily as me?" Dubloch asked.

"We only found you so far," the other Jedi explained. "But we know there are others. So, again, where are they?"

Before Dubloch could reply, police sirens were ringing outside the apartment. Skywalker looked over to the window. "Oh, no, Boride," he said to the second Jedi. "The cops are coming for us. I can feel their intent. We have to leave now." He looked back to Dubloch. "I don't know how you got the police here, but my words, Velk, you haven't seen the last of us." And with that, Skywalker and Boride opened the door and rushed out, closing it behind them.

Deciding to take advantage of the situation, with the Jedi now gone, Dubloch hurried to get a vibroknife from his kitchen and charged to the rug in the middle of his living room, where he then began cutting it.


	10. Chapter 10

Deadpool and Onimi: Chapter 10

In the bowling alley of the upper reaches of Coruscant, Dubloch and Waut Chauck were sitting and talking while Derely Dith was bowled. As Derely used the Force to manipulate the ball so that it struck the pins, he earned his team a perfect 300. Of course, neither Dubloch or Waut paid any mind as they chatted about the events of the previous night.

"So you're telling me Ben Skywalker himself was in your apartment, Dubloch?" Waut asked in shock.

"Yes, Waut, that's exactly what I'm saying," Dubloch affirmed. "He and some other Jedi just a few years older than him. They found out I was a Sith and they knew that I had friends here. What they didn't know was who you are or where you lived. They only know about me."

"So how in nine of Corellia's hells did you escape 'em?" Waut asked.

"What about Corellia's hells?" Derely asked Waut after he came back from his perfect strike.

"We're not talking about Corellia's hells, Derely," Waut said. "We're talking about the Jedi who invaded Dubloch's home last night."

"Oh, how'd you escape 'em, Dub?" Derely asked.

"That's what I was gonna ask him, Derely," Waut interjected.

"Well, hey, I just wanted to know what the hell you guys were talking about, is all," Derely said before Dubloch could explain further.

"Look, the Jedi didn't take me in because the cops were gunnin' for my apartment," Dubloch explained. "Ben Skywalker himself sensed that they were coming for him and his Jedi partner, so he and the other Jedi left."

"Woah, Ben Skywalker was among the Jedi in your apartment?" Derely asked.

"Yes, Derely," Dubloch confirmed.

"Who was the other Jedi?" Derely asked further.

"I have no kriffin' idea," Dubloch answered.

"How'd the cops find out about the Jedi?" Derely asked.

"Derely, he was just gettin' to that," Waut said. "Just listen to Dub and stop asking questions, 'cause you're outta your element right now."

"Thank you, Waut," Dubloch thanked his friend. "So, anyway, as I was saying, just before the cops pulled up to my apartment, I cut up my living room rug so that it would make it seem as if the Jedi did it."

"Doesn't that rug tie up your place together?" Derely asked.

"Now's not the time to ask something like that, okay? You're outta your element, Derely!" Waut exclaimed.

"Thank you, Waut," Dubloch repeated. "So, after I told the cops that Ben Skywalker himself cut my rug because I didn't know why, they told me that they came over because they got an anonymous call that informed them that the Jedi were over at my apartment."

"An anonymous call?" Waut asked. "Well, that means that someone's got your back then."

"You have any idea who?" Derely asked.

"Derely, shut the kriff up!" Waut said. "Of course the Dub wouldn't know who it'd be."

"I thought it was one of you guys," Dubloch said. "But neither of you made the call?"

"I didn't," Waut said.

"Me neither," Derely said with a shrug of his shoulders. "But shouldn't you get your rug replaced?"

"The cops are compensating me for that," Dubloch said. "But still, I think I should concern myself with finding out who knew about the Jedi over in my apartment. I mean, who could it be?"

"That would be me, boys," a thickly-accented, gravelly voice said behind the trio.

They all turned to find a dark-skinned human male standing there.

"Who are you?" Waut asked.

"My name is Onimi," the male said. "And I'm going to help you live out your days Jedi-free."


	11. Chapter 11

Deadpool and Onimi: Chapter 11

"Skywalker," Dubloch Velk said in the prerecorded holographic message now being viewed by Ben Skywalker and Boride Gatarry. "You're right. I'm a Sith. And I got two others with me. Their names are Waut Chauck and Derely Dith. You want us? Come to the world of Odacer-Faustin. If you don't arrive within the next galactic standard day, we will execute the hostages we have. Oh, I almost forgot to say you can bring at least one other Jedi; that way, it's a fair three-on-three fight. But if we even sense you have more than the three of you aboard the ship you'll be arriving in, those hostages will be dead, regardless of whether you neutralize us or not. Just be glad that we don't care who you bring along with you, whether it's some lowly apprentice or Grand Master Skywalker himself." With that, the message ended.

With Ben in the copilot's seat and Boride in the pilot's seat of the Skipray Blastboat that they were lent, the both of them sat there, contemplating the message.

"Do I even need to say it's a trap?" Boride remarked.

"No," Ben said. "It most certainly is."

"He's probably got more than just those two other Sith," Boride said.

"Still, we can't take the chance if he's serious about the hostages," Ben said. "At least we'll be able to take one more Jedi with us."

"You have anyone in mind?" Boride asked.

Before Ben could open his mouth to answer, the commlink beeped. Ben answered it, and a holographic representation of his dad appeared on top of the console.

"Report," Luke said.

"The mission regarding Dubloch Velk has taken an unexpected turn," Ben said. "After our failed interrogation of him in his apartment two days ago, Grand Master Skywalker, he has only now admitted to being a Sith. He has also revealed the names of his two accomplices, though Jedi Gatarry and I have our doubts that these are in fact Velk's only accomplices. Nevertheless, he has just sent out a threat stating that if Boride and I don't travel to the world of Odacer-Faustin in the next day, he and his friends will execute the hostages they have. We are allowed at least one other Jedi to accompany us, but no more; unless we want to the hostages dead."

"Well, Ben, I have your third Jedi right here," Luke said before he stepped out of the imaging.

Luke's fizzled away and it was soon replaced by the face of the one person that Ben never hoped to see again.

"Jacen!" Ben exclaimed as he and Boride stared wide-eyed at his image.

"Hey, Ben, how's it goin'?" Jacen said in a reserved yet laid-back tone. "I hear that this reality's Jacen did some pretty bad things to you here. Especially with your mom. I'm so sorry to hear that."

"This reality's Jacen?" Ben asked. "What are you talking about? How did you come back?"

Before Jacen could answer, his image faded away and was replaced with Luke's features. "It's a long story, Ben. Jacen will explain it along the way once he joins you to Odacer-Faustin."

"We're currently in the outer reaches of the Coruscant system, pointing Rimward," Boride clarified, allowing Ben to take in the shock at seeing his late cousin back from the dead. "How soon can we expect Jedi Solo?"

"Given that he already departed just several hours ago to help you along in the mission on Velk, he should be arriving in the next hour or so," Luke said.

"You sent him over to assist Boride and I?" Ben asked.

Luke nodded. "He insisted. He feels that he doesn't want all of his memories over his late cousin to be the bad ones, so he wants to introduce you to himself, in what our Jacen was before he was corrupted."

"This Jacen was the Jacen you knew from the Yuuzhan Vong War and before?" Ben asked.

"He is," Luke confirmed. "Grand Master Skywalker, out." With that, his image dissolved into nothingness.

Ben was quiet for a moment before he sat back in the copilot's chair and said, "We should begin studying up on Odacer-Faustin before we meet up with Jacen."

Neither of them said a thing as they got up out of their seats and proceeded to do just that.

An hour later, obscured from nearly all sensors except for the Blastboat's, a StealthX appeared out of hyperspace, and Jacen's presence aboard the starfighter was unmistakeable to Ben's senses.

Except it wasn't the Jacen he knew. It was definitely a different Jacen. His presence was absent of any intentions borne from the dark side of the Force. He seemed very... solemn.

After the StealthX boarded the Blastboat, Ben and Boride were at the Skipray's airlock, waiting to welcome Jacen aboard. Once he was on deck, Boride nodded and stuck out his hand, saying with a curt nod, "Jedi Knight Boride Gatarry. Nice to meet you, Jedi Solo."

"Nice to meet you, too, Jedi Gatarry," Jacen reciprocated through the handshake and a nod of his own.

Once the handshake was done, Boride said, "I heard many things about you. Especially from Ben. You sound like a real nice guy from what I've been told." His tone on that last sentence was laced in pure sarcasm.

"In case you forgot," Jacen said without sounding angry, still feeling very laid back and solemn, "I'm not that Jacen."

"Care to explain?" Ben interjected.

And then Jacen did.

"That sounds like an unbelievable story," Ben said. "But I doubt that my father would allow you to continue roaming the galaxy free if he didn't believe you. Therefore, I have no choice but to trust you myself. Besides, we're running low on time anyway. We have to reach Odacer-Faustin before Dubloch Velk and his comrades kill their hostages." At that, he and Boride rushed back to the cockpit, with Jacen following suit as he took the navigator's chair, relieving Ben of one duty aboard the Skipray.

"We have the coordinates already," Boride said as he input the coordinates that would lead them to Odacer-Faustin's system. "It'll take us about less than twelve hours or so. We should be there with a few hours to spare in successfully neutralizing the Sith there."

"Good to know," Ben said sardonically. "So what're you waiting for? Punch it."

And at that, the Blastboat disappeared into hyperspace.

~o~

As the Skipray spent the next several hours in the blue velvet of hyperspace, the three Jedi decided to retire to their compartments to relax and prepare themselves for the confrontation against the trio of Sith they'd meet on Odacer-Faustin.

But as Ben sat on the floor of his room, peacefully meditating, he was taken out of his calming techniques when he heard a knock at the door. Opening his eyes, he knew who it was... and he didn't even need to use the Force to discern that fact.

"What do you want?" Ben asked.

"Can I come in?" Jacen asked.

After some hesitation, he said, "Sure."

As the door opened, Jacen walked in, and it scarcely closed behind him before he joined Ben on the floor. "So what's up, man?"

"I was meditating," Ben said with a tone that he thought should have told Jacen that he wasn't in the mood of being social. "Is that all you wanted to know?"

"Well, I was just really making idle chitchat, but whatever," Jacen said. "But you know why I'm here, right?"

"You're not the same Jacen who killed my mom and tortured me, so you can't change my mind about him," Ben said. "Nothing you do will ever redeem him in my eyes. So I suggest you stop wasting your breath and go back to your guest cabin. We all have to be ready for those Sith on Odacer-Faustin."

Jacen threw up his hands. "No argument there. At least not with the Sith. But if you do keep that in mind-that whole thing where I'm not the Jacen who killed your mom and tortured you-why are you treating me as if I am?"

"What do you mean?" Ben asked.

"Well, you're acting very distant from me, and I don't really appreciate that, man," Jacen said. "I know it's because the face you see before you is pretty much the same as the one who almost ruined your life. But you have to know, if you're gonna take anything away from me, is that the Jacen you knew wasn't always bad."

"I know that," Ben said.

"Sure, you may know it intellectually," Jacen said. "But subconsciously, whenever you hear the name Jacen Solo, you're always gonna think of that monster named Darth Caedus, who nearly made you into his apprentice and propagated the Second Galactic Civil War, among other crimes. And unlike your dad, your aunt, or uncle, you're never gonna think of Jacen Solo as the man who saved the galaxy from the Yuuzhan Vong while you were still in diapers-or the Jacen Solo who opened you up to the Force when you were to fearful too step into it by yourself, or by the guiding hands of your parents. That's what I'm here for: to remind you of who your Jacen was before he fell to the dark side, so you may keep in mind of who he was, not what he ultimately became."

"You came to this reality to do that? To introduce me to a man I never knew?" Ben asked.

"Well, actually, I had no idea what the hell Onimi sent me here for, but at this point, I think I have a pretty good idea of what he has me here for," Jacen said.

"Onimi. Jaina told me about him," Ben said. "He was the real Supreme Overlord of the Yuuzhan Vong, who our Jacen defeated and ended the war against the invaders."

"I did the very same thing," Jacen said. "And, man, you will not believe the all-encompassing nature it feels to become one with the Force. It's an experience beyond words, believe me."

"Oh, I do believe you," Ben said. "I've felt it, too. In my battle against Abeloth."

"Oh, yeah, Abeloth, Master Skywalker told me about her," Jacen said. "It's scary that she may just come back, ain't it?"

"No argument there," Ben replied. "But tell me. You're saying there's another Onimi who travels realities?"

"Yep," Jacen said with a nod of his head. "Just like I said."

"Do you know where he is now?" Ben asked.

Jacen shrugged. "Hell if I know. He does whatever he wants."

"Well, at least he's not the same Onimi who wanted to wipe out every single being in the galaxy," Ben said. "So at least he's not a top priority for us. At least for now. Still, there's something I need to get through your head, Jacen."

"And what's that?"

"Even if we do get along," Ben began, "no matter what you do for me, you still won't change my opinion of the Jacen I ultimately came to know. You got that?"

"I wasn't really expecting to do that, in all honesty," Jacen said. "I was just-"

"All honesty? What have you been lying about to me?" Ben asked. His tone stated that he wasn't really serious; he was just being a hard case to Jacen.

Ignoring Ben's attitude, Jacen said, "I was just intending to get it through your head that the Jacen you knew wasn't all bad, even as Caedus, believe it or not."

"And how are you gonna convince me of that?" Ben asked.

"Because from what I do know," Jacen said, "Caedus still had some good to him that was reflected in who he was before. After all, is that not why he sacrificed himself for his own ex-lover and daughter?"

Ben was silent for a moment. He broke it when he leaned in and said, "This doesn't change a thing. So may you leave now?"

Without another word, Jacen stood up and walked out of the room, allowing Ben to return to his meditation.


	12. Chapter 12

Deadpool and Onimi: Chapter 12

Upon landing on the outside of Odacer-Faustin's ancient Sith temple, the three Jedi Knights disembarked the Blastboat and looked around in the moderately snowy landscape.

"The dark side of the Force permeates this world," Boride said.

"Of course it does," Jacen said. "There's a Sith temple right there."

"Thank you for stating the obvious, Jacen," Ben replied sarcastically. "But as much as I feel the dark side here, I don't sense Velk or his kin."

Suddenly, Onimi teleported right in front of them. "Jacen! Hey! How'd it go with Ben?"

"Not all that well," Jacen said. "He's not really interested in learning in who his cousin was, you know. I don't think he likes me all that much."

"What a shame," Onimi said. "Well, at least you tried."

"Where are the Sith?" Ben interjected.

"Not here," Onimi answered simply.

"Then where are they?" Boride asked.

"Back in the reality I'm living in," Onimi replied.

"Why did you take them back?" Jacen asked.

~o~

Back in the realty where Onimi lived with Deadpool, Nom Anor, and Jacen Solo, Dubloch Velk, Waut Chauck, and Derely Dith were celebrating their first bowling 300 on Earth as they were drinking Heinekan in a nearby bar.

"And to think that all we have to do to repay Onimi is occasionally help him out whenever he asks," Derely said through slurred, drunken speech.

"Derely, shut the fuck up," Waut said. "Don't ruin this moment. Okay, I have enough of a problem knowing that he can make ass slaves out of us anytime he wants. Man, do I wanna tell him if he does use us, life does not start and stop at your convenience, you miserable piece of shit."

~o~

"So you trust them not to try to take over the planet you reside on in that reality?" Boride asked Onimi.

"Yeah, because they don't really give a shit," Onimi said with a shrug. "That's why they left the Sith once they infiltrated Coruscant. They recognized that the Jedi would kick their ass no matter what, so they decided, 'Fuck it,' and live normal lives."

"What about the hostages?" Ben asked.

"There were no hostages," Onimi said. "That was just to get you over here. Anyway, Jacen, it's time to go back home."

"Okay," Jacen said simply as he joined Onimi, and then they were out of there.

"Well, coming here was pointle-" Boride started to say when he suddenly stiffened.

Ben looked at his friend worriedly as Boride collapsed to the snow on his back. The former quickly rushed down to the latter to see what was wrong with him. Ben quickly found out when he found and extracted the dart that was lodged into his neck.

Before Ben could say anything to his friend, Boride was unconscious. He wasn't dead, but Ben could sense that he wouldn't be awake for a long time.

He quickly looked around to find the source of the dart. He quickly found it when he saw, from a branch on a nearby tree, Vestara Khai sitting there with a blowgun in her hand. She holstered the weapon and waved at Ben with a flirtatious smile before she leaned back and allowed herself to fall off the tree. She fell several meters before landing in a Force-cushioned crouch on the snowy ground.

Ben whipped out and activated his lightsaber in one swift movement just as he was already rushing for Vestara. Though he was curious as to why she didn't activate her own lightsaber, the thought that this might be a trap didn't cross his mind until it was too late.

He suddenly found himself robbed of the Force.

The next thing he knew, the ground opened up beneath him and he was falling down the chasm that connected to the trapdoor that he was standing on.

~o~

When Ben woke up, he still couldn't feel the Force. And neither could he feel his clothes, now that he saw that he was stripped of almost everything but his boxers as he found his wrists and ankles bound to the corners of the bed that he was laying on. He was in some kind of underground cavern lit by primitive candles, with one exit leading out of the section he was currently in.

From that exit walked in Vestara, scantily clad in a black tank-top and panties. "Don't worry about your friend, Ben. He's safe in one of this temple's prison cells. I made sure he wouldn't die of the cold out there."

"Why didn't you kill him?" Ben asked.

"Did you want me to kill him?" Vestara retorted.

"How did you take away my feeling in the Force?" Ben asked.

"Nearby ysalamari," Vestara answered simply.

"So you can't feel the Force either?" Ben asked.

"No, I still can," Vestara said.

"How?"

"I've inoculated myself from their effects."

"With what?"

"Oh, c'mon, Ben, stop asking questions," Vestara countered. "You're killing the mood, you know."

"What are you doing, Vestara?" Ben asked, ignoring her reply.

"What do you think I'm gonna do, Ben?" Vestara asked with a certain look of intent radiating from her eyes.

With his eyes widened, Ben said, "Onimi helped you with this, didn't he?"

"Damn right," Vestara said. "Even provided me the ysalamari and the toxin that inoculates my midi-chlorians from their effects. But don't worry. When I'm done with you, you can take me in as a prisoner in your new Jedi Temple for all that I've done... not necessarily for what's gonna happen to you, but for all I've done before."

"And what makes you think that I'd oblige you to be taken into the Jedi Temple anyway?" Ben asked, his face conveying his feelings of his current circumstance; who'd have thought he'd lose his virginity like this?

"Well, killing me in cold blood isn't exactly the Jedi way, is it now?" Vestara asked.

"No, it isn't," Ben said. "But a Galactic Alliance prison cell can hold you."

Vestara made a mock-sad face. "Aww, c'mon, Ben, are you sure you don't want me in one of the Temple's prison cells, where, you know, you can get back at me for what's gonna happen to you?"

"Revenge isn't the Jedi way either," Ben said, even though Vestara's suggestion was more in jest.

"Sure you don/t wanna make an exception with me?" she flirted as she approached the bed, her mouth in a sensual pout.

"I'm quite sure," Ben replied nervously as Vestara climbed onto the bed.

"Well, suit yourself," Vestara said as she climbed on top of him. "Because that's not gonna change what's gonna happen to us right now."

And with that, she leaned down and began kissing the side of his neck, working her way up to the column of his throat where she began nibbling at the area there; all the while, she was moving her hands up and down his muscular torso before settling her hands just slightly beneath his underwear strap. Ben groaned, trying to resist Vestara's temptations as she mouth moved up again and began kissing his chin.

"I can feel you fighting, Ben," Vestara said as she pushed herself up from his chin. "Don't try it. Resistance is futile." Then she kissed him on the lips.

With that, Ben completely lost it as he closed his eyes and immersed himself in Vestara's kiss. While the sensation wasn't as powerful as any other time he kissed her, given that the Force made everything better, he still couldn't help himself as he reciprocated her sentiment.

It was good while it lasted, of course, but he was disappointed when it ended when Vestara broke off the kiss. His eyes opened up in lust for the woman he loved as she moved down, kissing his chest, his abdomen, and finally, she stopped when she reached his boxers. Then she took off her tank-top and threw it somewhere in the cavern before she reached behind for the bra straps and undid it.

While Ben was riveted by what he was seeing, he was still aware enough of his surroundings as she pulled down his boxers along with her own panties. Granted, she couldn't pull his boxers all the way off due to the straps at his ankles, but just enough for her to jump on his impressive erection and begin thrusting herself upon it.

Five minutes later, Vestara was finally done with Ben. As they both simultaneously climaxed, Vestara dropped right next to the still-trapped Ben, heaving and breathing heavily just as Ben was. She then pulled the covers around herself and Ben as they were both ready to fall asleep.

"You wanna take revenge on me for that later, Ben," Vestara began, "when you bring me into the Jedi Temple?"

"Maybe," Ben replied with a satisfied smile.

They laughed lightly at that before they eventually fell asleep.

~o~

Upon awaking, Boride noticed that he couldn't feel the Force. He saw why that was so when he looked at one corner of the prison cell and found a ysalamari nesting there.

Boride knew that ysalamari inadvertently created invisible bubbles around themselves that lowered someone's Force sensitivity until they thought it was absent. The only way to take out that bubble was to kill it; but as a Jedi, Boride wasn't willing to do that.

Figuring that Vestara Khai had taken away his lightsaber, he wasn't disappointed in his expectation when he found that it wasn't on his person. Even though he figured that the Sith wouldn't be stupid enough to leave his weapon somewhere in the cell, he figured it wouldn't hurt to take a look around anyway. After all, it was better than sitting around and doing nothing.

A few moments later, during what Boride thought would be his futile search-he was really just buying time for himself to figure out a plan to get out-the ysalamari decided to move out of its nesting position and move into another corner.

And there was his lightsaber.

"Oh, you've gotta be kidding me," Boride muttered to himself as he rushed over to his weapon, picked it up, and activated it. Its green blade shimmered and hummed at his activation.

Deciding he'd ask Khai why she left his lightsaber in his cell later, he moved to the locked door and began cutting it at the hinges. After half a minute, he kicked the door down and leaped through, careful that the smoldering edges of the threshold didn't touch or burn him. Upon landing in the hall that he now found himself in, he looked both ways, which both led to separate exits. He randomly chose the one to his right and ran towards it. When he exited the hall and found himself in another hall that ended in a turbolift, he kept on going to the turbolift. All the while, he was curious as to why he still couldn't feel the Force. Perhaps there were more ysalamari hiding, he thought.

When he reached the turbolift, he pressed the DOWN button. He looked up to the indicator that told him that this turbolift was arriving from the basement below. As the doors before him parted, he walked in and pressed the BASEMENT button, assuming that was where Vestara Khai probably was; maybe even Ben, too.

Once the doors opened to an underground cavern that must have served the Sith temple's basement, Boride rushed through. He ran down the cavern, lit only by primitive candles had it not been for his lightsaber, and followed the bending curve of the tunnel before he eventually came to a stop at its end as it opened up to a minor expanse.

And he was shocked to find Ben and Khai sleeping together on a bed that was placed at one corner of the room. He could tell that they had sex, since he noticed the absence of clothing on their shoulders, from what he could tell from the blanket covering them. He noticed that Ben's wrists were tied to the bed's frame at its head, so he deduced that Vestara probably raped Ben.

After a few moments, Khai's eyes opened up, and when she looked at Boride, she simply smiled, as if in expectation of his presence. "Took you long enough," she said.

"Don't move, Khai," Boride said sternly as he leveled his lightsaber to his general direction.

"Oh, c'mon, I can't cuddle with Ben first before you take me in?" Khai asked as Ben's eyes fluttered awake and focused instantly on Boride.

"Ben, are you okay?" Boride asked.

"Actually, I am," he said. "In fact, I'm more than okay-"

"That's all I needed to know," Boride interrupted before he turned back to Khai. "You. Get your clothes on and free Ben. That is, if you wanna live."

"Boride, I don't think that's a good idea," Ben said.

"Actually, it's fine," Khai said as she got up out of bed, apparently uncaring that Boride was watching her as she walked across the room naked to retrieve her clothes and put them back on. "I've lost my inoculation to the ysalamari while we were sleeping, Ben. So I can't really do anything to defend myself without my lightsaber, so... yeah, I'm pretty much under arrest, as you say, Boride."

"Inoculation against the ysalamari?" Boride asked.

"Don't ask," Ben said.

"How could I believe you?" Boride asked.

"If you don't," Khai said just as she was finished putting her clothes back on, "then you and Ben are screwed, aren't you? But not in the good way like Ben was here."

"Just free Ben," Boride said, "and don't resist when I put my stuncuffs on you."

Without a word, Khai did as Boride told her as she untied Ben at the wrists and ankles. Beneath the sheets, Ben pulled something up-most likely his underwear, Boride thought-as the latter walked over to Khai and cuffed her.

Later, after they found the rest of Ben and Vestara's clothes and put them back on their owners, the three of them walked out into the snow back toward the Skipray Blastboat, all of them feeling the Force again after stepping out the anti-Force bubble created by the unseen, nearby ysalamari. Following their boarding, they took off without incident as Boride tied Vestara up in the guest lounge, not trusting Ben to do it considering that he appeared to like what the Sith girl did to him. Ben himself was busying launching the Blastboat the whole way.

When Boride returned to the cockpit, he sat himself down in the copilot's seat, since Ben was piloting, and he looked over to the young Jedi Knight and asked him, "You enjoyed it, didn't you."

"I did," Ben replied without hesitation, though not without turning his eyes away from the viewport.

"And you know that if we take her back to Denon, she'll entice you for more sex, right?" Boride asked.

"At this point, I don't think she's trying to lure me to the dark side anymore," Ben said. "I know that she only wants me, even if at least sexually, if not emotionally."

"Ben-" Boride tried to say.

"She took me from the Force while we were... together," Ben interrupted. "She clearly wasn't trying to lure me over to the dark side with what she did."

"You think that because she used ysalamari to strip you of the Force for a while, she's not luring you over to the dark side?" Boride asked. "There are other ways for you to fall, Ben."

"All she wanted from me, Boride, was me, not for me to swear an oath of allegiance to the Sith or anything," Ben shot back. "And we now have her in our custody. Besides, it'll be up to Grand Master Skywalker as to what should be done with Vestara. If he says she should be moved to a Galactic Alliance prison rather than in a cell in the Temple on Denon, I'll gladly obey his orders, as always. So drop it, Boride."

"Okay, fine," Boride sighed in defeat. "Just promise me you won't go into her cabin for any funny business while we're returning to Master Skywalker."

"If you say so," Ben said reluctantly.

Boride looked at Ben for a moment in silence in response to the younger Knight's previous remark. He then stood up, walked to the exit of the cockpit, and said, "I'm gonna meditate now."


	13. Chapter 13

Deadpool and Onimi: Chapter 13

After quietly meditating for about an hour, Boride exited his quarters and went to get a drink of water from the galley. He turned to the cockpit first and found Ben sitting in the pilot's seat expectantly, waiting to bring the Blastboat out of one of its hyperspace runs. Turning back to the galley, Boride walked over there, grabbed a glass from a nearby shelf, and poured some water from the tap.

He didn't even sense anything wrong until his first swallow of the water. Once that was down, he immediately felt dizzy. Boride passed out on the floor of the galley in less than ten seconds.

A few seconds later, Ben walked into the galley, and found Boride unconscious. With a satisfied smile and a nod, he quickly rushed over to his friend's side and gathered him up around his shoulder. He then walked back over to Boride's cabin, walked in, and dropped his unconscious body on the room's cot. Ben then turned and scurried out, making sure the door was closed behind him, before he walked over to the guest cabin-where Vestara awaited him.

The light that spilled into Vestara's room awoke her from sleep. She, with her wrists tied to the head of the bed and her ankles tied to the opposite side, looked up and found Ben standing in the doorway with a predatory grin that Vestara couldn't help but find charming.

"I think I'm ready to take my revenge now," Ben said.

Then Vestara reciprocated his smile.

~o~

A few minutes after it broke through Denon's atmosphere, the Blastboat soared right for the Jedi Temple's landing bay. The Temple itself had been established about a decade and a half earlier, following the Yuuzhan Vong War, when the Galactic Alliance had temporarily relocated from Coruscant to this world as they waited for the Vong shapers to restore Coruscant to its former glory. This Jedi Temple had been constructed in under two years and was occupied by the Jedi until about a year before the Dark Nest Crisis. Now, after the Jedi were exiled from Coruscant because of the apocalypse that Abeloth had brought upon it, it seems that their relocation to this world was permanent.

Upon landing in the bay's deck, it wasn't for a couple of minutes before Ben and Boride disembarked with Vestara, in stuncuffs, in front of them. The smile that the two teenagers were openly displaying showed just how satisfied they both were with this arrangement; given what happened before. Boride's anger over Ben's relatively minor treachery was reserved; since Ben didn't actually do anything but drug him and have sex with Vestara again, he would take it to Ben's father, Grand Master Luke Skywalker himself, for him to discipline him. Had Ben actually done something even more idiotic-such as actually freeing Vestara-then Boride would have been in his rights as a Jedi Knight to take matters into his own hands.

As it was, even though Boride admonished Ben for what he did, it didn't seem as if either the young Jedi or Vestara had any regrets with what they had done. _That would soon change_, Boride thought, _at least for Ben anyway__. Whatever happens to Khai is out of my hands_.

Minutes later, after walking through the Temple and taking a turbolift to the top floor, they soon ended up in Master Skywalker's office. He was just finishing sifting through reports before he looked up at the trio. His eyes looked up expectantly at all three of them, given that Boride had managed to get a call over to Luke's office after he woke up from the drugged tap water.

He didn't tell him of what Ben did with Khai, though. Boride figured he would do that here; whether it would be after he was sent to send Khai over to her cell which Master Skywalker would then assign, or while Ben was the one who would be sent to bring the Sith girl over to her cell.

If Ben would tried to have sex with Vestara again in that cell, it wouldn't be long before Luke and Boride would go after them and stop them. And Ben knew that, too, so he wouldn't try it here; he was probably already satisfied with just how much time he spent with Khai.

Luke tapped a few buttons in the datapad inset onto his desk, then he looked up and told the trio which cell Vestara would be sent in. "Your trial will take place in about a week, Vestara," Luke said. Then he sent Ben to bring her over into her cell. "You are dismissed, too, Jedi Gatarry."

As Ben turned with Vestara to leave the office, Boride stayed in his place. "Master Skywalker," he said, "if you have a moment?"

Ben and Vestara stopped, and they turned around. Ben stared at his friend with a look that mixed anger, betrayal, and disappointment. Boride simply stared back with a blank look that still managed to say, "_Well, you should have expected this_," before returning his gaze to his friend's father.

"Of course I have a moment, Jedi Gatarry," Luke said, noting the look shared between his son and Boride. "What is it?"

Boride waited until Ben and Khai left the office with the door shut behind them before he said to Master Skywalker, "It is about your son, and the Sith girl."

Taking a deep, calming breath, already expecting the news that Boride was about to tell him, Master Skywalker asked him, "What about them?"

"As you are aware, our mission to take Dubloch Velk and his Sith cohorts had failed due largely to the circumstances surrounding Jacen Solo's reappearance," Boride said. Luke knew enough that it was thanks to Onimi, who had also brought Jacen back into their home reality. "Though, as you could see, we managed to capture Vestara Khai, at her surrender of all things."

"Yes, you have told me this," Luke said, his anxiety growing in his Force aura. "What about it?"

"Well, I neglected to tell you the circumstances surrounding Khai's surrender, for I felt that it was necessary if I told you myself," Boride said.

"And those circumstances would be?" Luke asked.

"After I awoke, in Odacer-Faustin's Sith Temple, from the drug that Khai shot into my neck," Boride began, "I later found her and your son in one of that temple's underground cavern... in a bed... together... completely disrobed."

"I see," Luke said, his fingers intertwined with each other as the anger in his Force aura subtly showed in his aged face. Never had Grand Master Luke Skywalker looked so old to Boride before. "So Vestara Khai surrendered because of... the intercourse she had... with my son."

"Yes," Boride confirmed with a curt nod.

"This is problematic," Master Skywalker said simply.

"But there's more, Master Skywalker," Boride said.

Luke breathed out through his nose. "Is there?"

Boride nodded again. "When we took off of Odacer-Faustin," Boride began, "I suspected that your son would, um, attempt to have intercourse with the Sith again. So I specifically told him not to."

"Did he?"

"I'm afraid so. He even drugged me beforehand so that the... well, you-know-what could go on," Boride said awkwardly.

Cupping his face into his hands, Luke groaned before dropping his arms across the desktop and looked up at Boride in a defeated tone. "Is that all, Jedi Gatarry?"

"Yes, Master Skywalker," Boride said. his tone still wary.

"You are dismissed then," he said.

This time, Boride turned around and left the office. At that, Luke leaned back in his chair and sighed heavily, placing his real hand across his forehead, trying to alleviate the migraine that was thriving there. He then forcefully pushed himself out of the chair and to his feet, as if he were a lesser man at his age, and then slowly walked to the exit of his office. Upon opening the door, his son, Ben, stood there, looking surprised as he looked up at his father.

"Dad," he said. "Uh, I mean, Master Skywalker, I, uh, I..." He trailed off as he looked into Luke's eyes, which were mixed with disappointment and subdued anger.

"You," Luke said, putting the full power of command into his voice, "are coming with me."

Ben nodded before he turned with his father as they walked to the direction of the cell block where Vestara was placed.

Upon arriving in that block, the Skywalkers walked over to the cell where Luke ordered Ben to place Vestara. The elder Skywalker tapped in the code that opened the door to the Sith's cell, and they both found her doing stretches on the cell's floor. She looked up to them and immediately unfolded herself from her position to stand up. Her look was expectant of Luke, since she had a feeling that Boride, if not Ben, had told the Grand Master of the Jedi Order that his son had sexual intercourse with a Sith; even if the first time was against his will.

When Luke noted the smile Vestara shot Ben's way, the elder Skywalker knew that his son had a look of contentment at seeing his lover in one of the sensual poses.

"Master Skywalker," Vestara said, "to what do I owe you this visit?" Her look and tone of voice merely backed up that she already knew that Luke already knew.

"I want you to stand perfectly still," Luke said, "while I examine you?"

Both teenagers looked at the Grand Master in confusion. "Examine me, Master Skywalker?"

"With your clothes on, thank you," Luke said sternly, looking briefly to Ben before turning his stare back at Vestara. "I am simply going to perform a Force-check on you."

"What for?" Ben and Vestara asked at the same time.

"If I'm right, you'll find out," Luke said as he approached the Sith girl.

Nervous but obedient-as obedient as a Sith could be anyway-Vestara stood still, as she was told, while Luke stopped before her and placed a hand over her abdomen. Both she and her lover looked to each other with wide eyes regarding what the latter's father was thinking. Nevertheless, neither spoke until Luke was done with his examination.

He stepped back from the Sith, his face devoid of any emotion as he turned so that he could look at both Ben and Vestara. "I'm right."

Ben and Vestara looked at each other with renewed surprise as Luke turned completely to the cell's exit and walked out. He turned back around only once after he passed through the threshold to close and lock the door of the cell. The teens' shared gaze to each other was broken only then.

Without another word to his son, Luke turned back to his office, his pace and gait considerably more slow and weary than when he was walking to the cell. Ben joined his father and decided to look up at him. Ben's dad didn't look back in any kind of reprimand, so it allowed for the young Knight to look up at the leader of the Order and simply gauge what he felt about this; he didn't want to know through words just yet. The situation was difficult enough as it was.

His father's face, weary and tired, truly made him look his age, Ben thought. And that was what told him that this situation wasn't going to get any easier for him.


	14. Chapter 14

Deadpool and Onimi: Chapter 14

As the Skywalkers walked into Luke's office, the first thing that came out of Ben's mouth was, "Dad, I know you're angry and disappointed in me, but..."  
>Luke sat down as Ben spoke the last couple of words, then he waved his son off. "But nothing, Ben," the Grand Master said sternly. "The fact of the matter is, you're going to be the father of the spawn of a Sith."<p>

"Yes, I know, but-"

"However," Luke interrupted roughly, "the weight of responsibility will be levied from your shoulders if, and only if, it turns out that this baby came about from your first sexual encounter from Vestara; from what Boride told me, you weren't in control, so I understand. The second time, however, warrants punishment either way."  
>Ben opened his mouth, but was silent for a moment before he said with a nod, "I understand."<p>

"I'm glad you do," Luke said. "You're dismissed until I inform you over comm regarding Master Cilghal's observation of Vestara's womb."

During the walk back to the office, Luke commed Master Cilghal to enter Vestara's cell and use the Force to determine the time that the Sith's egg was fertilized.

"All right, but before I leave, may I ask-"

"No," Luke said forcefully. "We're done with this conversation."

"Oh, c'mon, Dad, if you'll just-"

"I said you're dismissed, Jedi Skywalker," Luke said. "Obey my orders and return to your quarters now."

Ben was prepared to try one more time, but his shoulders sagged in defeat, and he turned around to leave. But just as he reached the door, he heard the voice of his father say behind him, "Ben."

"Yes, Master Skywalker?" Ben asked when he turned back around, knowing that his father only just changed his mind.

"What is it that you wanted to ask?" Luke asked.

"What'll become of the baby?" Ben asked.

"As to whether or not she's willing to go ahead and have it, I'll leave that up to her," Luke said. "After all, it's her choice; just as it was her choice to remain a Sith. And we will take special precautions with her if she does elect against an abortion. But when the baby is born, she will retain no custody of it, and I will determine what the child's fate is."

"You?" Ben asked in surprise.

"Excuse me?" Luke responded.

"You're gonna be the one to determine what happens to my child, Dad? I'm sorry, I respect your authority as Grand Master and all, but if there's anyone who's going to raise this child, it'll be me, if not Vestara herself."

"I don't think Vestara could raise the baby herself anyway, given the punishment I'll deign upon her come her trial," Luke said. "But otherwise, if that's how you feel, Ben, I will allow you to take hold of the child when he or she is born. If, however, you feel that you're not ready, then the child's fate will fall to me."

"It won't."

"If you say so. Keep in mind, though, I am allowing Vestara to choose what she wants to do with her child, and I won't stop her."

"I won't either," Ben said.

"You also won't see her until the trial. Is that all, Jedi Skywalker?"

"Well, I do have one more question."

"Spill."

"If Vestara does decide to go through an abortion," Ben began, "will I still be given as strict a punishment equal to her going through with the child... assuming that it was the second time we... well, you know?"

"You will, Ben," Luke said. "Of that, I can assure."

"What will my punishment be?"

"I'll need to think about it. Anymore questions?"

"No," Ben said with a shake of his head. "That'll be all, Master Skywalker."

"I'm glad to hear of it. Dismissed."

With that, Ben finally left the office and trudged across the Jedi Temple back to his quarters. Once he reached the door, however, his commlink beeped. He opened it up and said into it, "What's the verdict with Vestara, Dad?"

"The baby came about because of your second bout with her, Ben," Luke said firmly. "And she's going through the pregnancy."

"So what's my punishment then? Have you decided yet?"

"Yes. Six-month-exile to Dagobah."

"What would it have been had the baby come about from the first bout?"

"Three months to Dagobah."

"I see. Thanks a mil, Dad," Ben said sarcastically.

"Skywalker out," Luke said. With that, he cut the link.

Ben then opened the door to his quarters and walked in, feeling even more heavy from the weight of responsibility on his shoulders.

~o~

Later that night, as Vestara slept in her prison cell, she awoke abruptly, feeling a heavy vibration beneath her cot. She swung her legs over the cot as the vibration grew louder until a large drilling device-Vestara remembered that they were nicknamed Mole Miners, according to Ben-popped out of the floor in front of her.  
>The hatch of the Mole Miner opened up, and the Sith who emerged was one who Vestara never hoped to ever see again.<p>

"Dubloch Velk," Vestara said with contempt. "What are you doing here."

"Unfortunately, breaking you out, Khai," Velk said. "C'mon, we gotta get outta here before the Jedi come for us."

Hesitating for only two seconds, she followed Velk in, and he closed the hatch behind them. Less than a second later, the Mole Miner disappeared back down the hole it created thanks to its pilot, Waut Chauck, as Vestara saw at the Miner's control console.

"Why are you idiots breaking me out?" Vestara asked them as the drilling vehicle descended the layers of the Jedi Temple's structure.

"We were forced to," Derely Dith, the last Sith in the Miner, said, "by Onimi."

"Okay, why does he want me broken out?" Vestara asked.

"We have no fucking idea," Waut said. "We only do what he tells us because if we don't, he'll kill our asses."

"All right, that makes things a little bit more interesting," Vestara said sardonically.

"So I take it you fucked Ben Skywalker?" Waut asked.

"Why should I tell you?" Vestara asked as she felt Chauck shift the position of the vehicle into a lateral position so that he began piloting on a straight course. "And where are we going anyway?"

"Outta here," Velk replied with a snide tone.

"And back to Kesh," Dith added.

"Derely, shut the fuck up," Chauck said in an aggravated tone. "You don't have to give her all the details."

"Why are we going back to Kesh?" Vestara asked.

"Onimi didn't tell us why," Dith said. "Only that we had to return there."

"Not that I wanna go back there," Velk said.

"Me neither," Dith said.

"None of us wanna go back there, guys," Chauck said. "Especially after we abandoned them. How did you convince Derely and I to abandon them again, Dub?"

"You know as well as I do, Waut, that if we stayed with 'em, we woulda been fucked," Velk said. "The Jedi have been screwing us over ever since we began fighting 'em. They creamed our asses at Pydyr, and they caught us with our pants down at Nam Chorios. You agreed with me, Waut, when you said, 'Kriff it,' don't you remember?"

"Uh-huh. What's your point?" Waut asked as the Mole Miner shifted position under his hands. Vestara could now feel that they were going up.  
>At Waut's question, Velk opened his mouth and was silent for a moment before he said, "You know, Waut, as a friend, I love you, but sometimes, when you ask questions like that, you have to get it through your head that you're a goddamn moron!"<p>

"If I were a moron, why wasn't I stupid enough to stay with the Lost Tribe and report you as a traitor, Dub?" Chauck asked. "Huh? Am I wrong?"

"No, you're not wrong, Waut," Velk said with annoyance.

"You know, we should have left those Jedi bastards a 'fuck-you,' you know what I mean, Dub?" Chauck asked.

"Oh, yeah, so you're telling me that leaving a giant fucking swath through several levels of their Temple wasn't a big enough fuck-you to them, Waut?" Velk asked.

"No, that's only what we had to do, man," Chauck replied. "I'm talking about us, personally, Dub. Like we should have left them a pile of my dirty undies in place of Vestara on her cot back there."

"You have dirty undies, Waut?" Dith asked. "You mean you don't wash 'em?"

"Derely, shut the fuck up," Chauck said. "You're not part of this conversation. You're outta your element, kay?"

"Fine," Dith said with eyes rolled as the Mole Miner breached the surface.

Seconds later, once the Mole Miner climbed about several hundred feet up into the air, Jedi StealthXs launched from the Temple's hangar bay and was pursuing them.

"Ah, fuck, we're dead," Dith said.

"Derely, shut the fuck up," Chauck said again. "Let's just stay calm."

Then the console chimed for a communication request. Chauck answered it.

"Unidentified Mole Miner, you are to change trajectory immediately and return to the Jedi Temple's hangar bay," the firm, authoritative male voice said at the other end.

"You have caused severe destruction in the Temple itself and have made off with a very special prisoner. If you do not, you will be destroyed."

"You can't destroy us, we have a pregnant woman aboard!" Velk called out.

"That matters very little under these circumstances," the voice replied. "If you do not comply within ten seconds, we will fire."

"All right, this is going nowhere," Chauck said. "Jedi, you're about to learn what happens when you FUCK A STRANGER IN THE ASS! Now, where're the weapons on this thing?"

"There are no weapons on this Mole Miner, Waut, you stupid fuck," Dith said. "The drill is its only weapon."

Eyes widened beneath his shades, Waut said, "Oh, shit. We are gonna be fucked in the ass."

"No shit," Velk said as he watched on the sensors the StealthXs fire a volley of shadow bombs toward them.

"You have been warned, unidentified Mole Miner," the voice at the other end said firmly before cutting the link.

Suddenly, Onimi appeared in the cockpit of the Mole Miner, much to the surprise of its Sith occupants.

"I figured this would happen," Onimi said. "That's why I'm here to save your asses." He pressed the button of his teleporter belt, and the Mole Miner had simply disappeared from the face of Denon. The shadow bombs tracking it soared off to crash and create giant explosions miles away from the Jedi Temple.

Baradium poisoning would occur soon.

~o~

The next time the Mole Miner appeared, it was on a very familiar world that all four Sith recognized when they looked through the vehicle's viewport.

"It's Tahv!" Derely said as he and all the others looked out upon the ruined landscape of Kesh's capital city.

"We can see it's Tahv, we've lived here all our lives, Derely, so there's no fucking need for you to tell us that, so shut the-" Waut tried to say.

"Shut the fuck up, yeah, I got it, Waut," Derely said.

"Why are we here, Onimi?" Vestara asked the deformed Yuuzhan Vong.

"You ever hear of the Mortis monolith?" Onimi asked.

"No, what is it?" Dubloch Velk asked.

"A Force-infused device that will lead you to the Dagger of Mortis," Onimi explained. "It is the only weapon that can kill Abeloth for good."

"What do you mean kill Abeloth for good?" Velk asked. "I thought she's dead."

"As dead as she can be," Vestara interjected. "At least, that's what Ship told me. He didn't elaborate, he just said that there are 'some things that the Force does not reveal to us.'" She then turned back to Onimi. "You have any idea what Ship was talking about?"

"Yeah," Onimi replied. "From what I know, according to the Histories of the Killik nest of Thuruht, Abeloth returns every few thousand years or so when some kind of war or crisis gets so out of hand. When that happens, she returns to bring about a galaxy-wide apocalypse to see to it that the galaxy can be reborn under her hands... or tentacles in her case."

"So you're saying that even with Abeloth, she could just as well return again?" Derely asked.

"Exactly," Onimi said. "So the only way to kill her for good is to find the Dagger of Mortis. And to do that, we need to find the Mortis monolith. It originally led to a world called Mortis, but it was destroyed almost eighty years ago. Now the monolith can only lead to the dagger."

"And this monolith is here on Kesh?" Velk asked.

"Yes," Onimi said with a nod. "When Mortis was destroyed, the monolith was teleported right here to Kesh. I know this because I did a little research before I teleported over into this reality."

"How did the Lost Tribe not notice something like that in the past few decades or so?" Waut asked.

"It's outside any of the cities," Onimi said. "And hidden away from any of the Sith's Force senses."

"Okay, what happens when the Mortis monolith leads us to the Dagger if, say, the Dagger were in space?" Derely asked. "Wouldn't we all suffocate or something?"

"If that were to happen, that would be really funny," Onimi said with a chuckle.

"You'd die, too!" Derely pointed out.

"Oh, yeah, that's right," Onimi said with realization. "Well, it's a chance we've gotta take."

"Why didn't you bring this to the Jedi?" Velk asked. "I think they're much more interested in defeating Abeloth than us."

"Yeah, but they're a buncha douchebags," Onimi said. "I like you guys better. Plus, it is fun to have you guys around for this fanfic to make forced Big Lebowski references."

"What?" Velk asked.

"Nothing," Onimi said.

"All right, show us where this monolith is," Vestara said to Onimi.

Onimi then gave Waut the coordinates.

"You know, I have to ask, why didn't you just teleport us there?" Derely asked. "In fact, why didn't you just teleport us off of Denon in the first place?"

"Too much of a risk with Vestara's pregnancy and shit," Onimi said. "I hear side effects of teleporting pose a serious risk to pregnant women. The babies can either die or come out with genetic defects, which would make them look better than me only."

"But you teleported us off anyway!" Vestara exclaimed, her look conveying her sense of worry over her child, rubbing her womb in concern.

"Hey, it was either that, or you would have been blasted back to atoms," Onimi countered. "Besides, there's a good chance your kid made it out okay."

"How good of a chance?" Vestara asked.

"About ninety-nine point nine percent," Onimi said.

"Oh," Vestara said, concern fading. "Well, that sounds good."

"It is," Onimi replied simply.

Moments later, at one of the desert outskirts of Kesh, all five of them found the Mortis monolith floating in an indented pit of sand. Waut landed the Mole Miner near the monolith, and a few minutes later, after they all disembarked, they approached the floating monolith.

"Who wants to touch it?" Waut asked.

"I'll do it," Vestara said, stepping ahead of her male counterparts and grabbing the monolith instantly.

And with that, in a bright flash of light, they were gone from that spot.

They then reappeared about fifty miles away, where they saw a black dagger laying there.

"Huh," Derely said as they stared at the Dagger of Mortis. "I guess we were lucky that it wasn't in space."

"That still would have been funny, even if I had died," Onimi said.

"So now what?" Vestara asked after she picked up the Dagger. "I mean, where do we find Abeloth?"

Suddenly, a tentacle which Vestara recognized as belonging to the aforementioned entity appeared spontaneously out of the air before her and her counterparts. The tentacle swung for her , so she swung back with the Dagger, cutting through the tentacle. The appendage then fell down to either side of her in two pieces before fading back into the Force.

Two seconds later, they all heard a loud, primal scream that reverberated throughout the entire planet. Vestara recognized it as being Abeloth's voice.  
>And her voice travelled throughout the galaxy. Everyone alive heard it. And only the Jedi (who were then evacuating Denon because of the baradium poisoning), and the survivors of the Sith, could comprehend that Abeloth was truly dead now.<p>

"Well, that's all folks!" Onimi said to the air, looking away from the four Sith around him. "We've milked all the stories we could out of this, and very little Deadpool in spite of his name being in the title! Hated this fanfic for this or any other reason? I'd say go fuck yourselves, but the author tells me to leave your comments for 'constructive criticism.' Anyway, have a good fuck!"

"Who are you talking to?" Vestara asked.

"Your mother," Onimi said abruptly. "Goodbye." He then teleported out of there, leaving the four Sith miles away from the Mole Miner they needed to use to get off of Kesh.

THE END.


End file.
